This is quite an eventful year for me. I have had drastic changes to my lifestyle. I think let me use the next hour to bid goodbye to this "2007" for it will never come back again.
1. Career
Giving up my career is one of the biggest thing I ever learnt to "put down". I was a career minded person. I had a good career, good future, good colleagues, and good bosses. But everytime, when times went smoothly, I didn't feel any happiness. When things were rough, I felt miserable. I always wondered why I must live such a normal life. Must I be like my friends, get married, give birth to children, complain about children, work and be stressed of some so-called society-recognised success?
I don't think i want to live my life like that. I quited.
2. Family
Being away from my mum for so far, so long is quite a challenge for me. Though my mum and I don't often tok alot, we are close at heart I know. My mum loves me most, though many times I made her angry. She is quite old now, yet, being so unfilal I have chosen to come here to study. To be so far apart, but I know she is happy for me for I have chosen a path she hoped to choose when she was young. and she would know this is the right path for me. Though we are distance away, I pray for her frequently, and thought of her whenever I do chores. I know she has suffered a lot for me, for I am a lazy daughter @ home. Sorry Mama and thanks mama for your love and concern. Your selflessness makes me small, but I will spread the love you gave to me to everyone else. I am always your sunshine, I hope to be other's too for the sun is not selfish - the sun rays spread to all.
As for my sister Kath, she has been a supportive one though she never said good things in front of me. As I am the youngest one, she adores me alot. I can't find someone like her again. We fought, we quarrelled, but we still love each other a lot. If not, she won't be letting me to come here. Sorry that I have to leave you alone to take care of mama, sister. It is tough on you esp that you are so stressed at work. Take care of your health and Mama's. I will be home soon.
Mag, my god-sister, thanks for taking care of my mum and sister. Thanks for being tolerant of my sister's temper. I know it would be hard on you. I have a bad temper too. It runs in our family. :(
As for my beloved nephew, i guess you are doing well now in your new environment. May you always be in the right path and company. May you learn the right and wrong and be filal to your parents.
3. Friends
Leaving my friends behind is quite a tough thing to do too. I love golf, I like the times I spent with AO playing golf. I love movies, threatre shows, and eating @ high-class restaurants with AL. Or just drinking our fav earl grey in a cafe. Or even eating Mac with SY, eating buffet with SY and tok, eating hawker food with RC, eating high tea with WX and XQ or going prata with David and XL. Those were memorable days. But deep in my heart, I know that's not the way i want to live. There is something more. So I leave. There are some friendships I handled well, there are some I didn't. There are friends I bidded goodbyes, yet there are many I didn't have the chances. Sorry pals for being selfish and leave Singapore without much time for you to think about, esp. CCL, Anna, HC, SM, GT. You have been such good buddies to me, but i didn't even bid goodbye to you. I don't know how to tell you, I scared I would sob so it is better to leave this way. Maybe some friends didn't even know I left. Hopefully they won't kill me when I return for holiday.
4. New Buddies
My greatest gift in 2007 is to have my new found best friend, HS. Thanks for being such a good sister. Little Moon and pal said that we are like twins. Probably physically not. But this shows that how close we have been. It must be our past destinies that within such a short time, we became the best of friends. Of cos, tongues waggled but we are like what gisy said "The Dharma Sisters". Our paths may not be the same but the goal is the same - to be Bodhisattrva. Of cos, like any relationship, we quarrelled, or threw tantrums at each other. Sorry for whatever wrong I have done. Thanks for taking good care of me. I have not been a good Buddhist, you have shown me the way.
Knowing JL, SY, YW and SF is another gift from Buddha. They are fun buddies, cute and innocent. I feel young again. I have aged so much in my career life, climbing up corporate ladder, playing in the politics and etc. I have never had so much innocent happiness before. Thanks for revitalizing my life.
Ven MD and MM have been good spiritual guidance teachers. Ven MD always pointed out my mistakes be it chanting, how I present myself etc. It helps me a lot - to be more aware of myself, to be more aware of others. Ven MM told me my vital weakness, I am still working on it. It is great to have people wiser pointing you the right path. Like Buddha has pointed Ananda the difference of being a incense paper and leaf that covers the salted fish. I have found so many incense papers. I am glad that I am within the scope of receiving the scent too.
5. Homework and Exams
I must say, these are things i hate and love. If there is no homework, I may not even read books, do research. Someone commented I have completed a lot of work. But actually, I have not. those are only for the degree. I have not completed my prostration based on Amitabha's Sutra, my promise to complete the six mantras chanting by end of the year (delayed for 3 years already) and my prostration on Diamond Sutra. What I have accomplished so far is so worldly matters. Homework, report and exams... it is just to fulfil the master degree. I don't really desire for this, I desire more on the spiritual gaining - I want to understand what the Buddha's original intent and how to help myself and others. I have not enough wisdom, not enough compassion. YW showed me that prostration is not that difficult, she demonstrated that even with her legs injured, she can still prostrate. I can do it too, though i am fat and clumsy. :)
6. Health
my health has been a see-saw. Up and down. I have not been a healthy baby since young. I am in the high risk zone of diabetes, heart diseases and etc. I have to thank to my past good fortune to be here. At least, now I am a full vegetarian and I control my diet through the nagging (I simply love nagging) of HS usually. thanks a lot, it helps to control my diet.
I cannot promise I can be slimmer in 2008. But I will be healthier. I will give up my share of hashbrown for the next 10 breakfasts for I have eaten 10 in 2 breakfasts. Now, I even only eat 2 small bowls of rice when i can really eat 4 bowls. I feel hungry though but I have to learn to take food like medicine. Enough is enough, if more, it would be becos of greed. TS has stopped nagging me. :( though i prefer her to nag as well. But well, I have to learn to control by myself. :)
Ok, that's all of my nonsensical updates of 2007. I will use the next 1/2 hour to prostrate to Buddha to repent all sentient beings' sins (including myself) in the past years. May all be happy and well from now onwards.
Happy new Year!
2007年12月31日星期一
Last day of the year
well, today hs and i went to see the doc in such a cold weather. it was a fun day. We met a ven (i think sent by buddha to us or sent us to her). After a friendly amitabha by us, she tok to us while walking along the road. She seemed interested with our school, our dept. HS and I started to talk like promoters... she was convinced that she even leave us her address to mail the things to her.
We were so happy. We still have time to buy gifts for our students. :) We got an elmo paper bag for free. :D HS gave to me. So nice of this sister. :) I simply love elmo - cos' it is red.
When we returned to school, we got good news from Dr. Yao that her essays are reduced to 500 each. Can see happiness in HS's and JL's eyes. So happy for them though i have completed my 3000+ essay each. :) It is ok, i take it as a learning process, given the fact that I rewrote them too.
The evening ended with Prof DharmaJoti's lesson. He is such a funny monk. :) I like him... like a father. Dr Yao asked us if we have resolution next year. I have but i dunno if it is going to be fulfilled. But i do hope all others would have their wishes fulfilled.
It is such a cold day. I hope tomorrow will be warmer. WE are so lucky to be @ home, but what about the homeless beings? They must be freezing now. It is not a good way to spend the new year. Hopefully tomorrow would be warmer. :)
We were so happy. We still have time to buy gifts for our students. :) We got an elmo paper bag for free. :D HS gave to me. So nice of this sister. :) I simply love elmo - cos' it is red.
When we returned to school, we got good news from Dr. Yao that her essays are reduced to 500 each. Can see happiness in HS's and JL's eyes. So happy for them though i have completed my 3000+ essay each. :) It is ok, i take it as a learning process, given the fact that I rewrote them too.
The evening ended with Prof DharmaJoti's lesson. He is such a funny monk. :) I like him... like a father. Dr Yao asked us if we have resolution next year. I have but i dunno if it is going to be fulfilled. But i do hope all others would have their wishes fulfilled.
It is such a cold day. I hope tomorrow will be warmer. WE are so lucky to be @ home, but what about the homeless beings? They must be freezing now. It is not a good way to spend the new year. Hopefully tomorrow would be warmer. :)
2007年12月30日星期日
Tea time with Ven Prof Dharmajoti
it was a cold morning. We went to the school to have some high tea with Ven Prof Dharmajoti. DJ decorated the table with JL's help. HS and I washed the glasses and brewed the tea. The session was almost like a picnic session when all of us started to munch on the food while Prof started talking. I think he ate the least.
I ate quite a lot of cheezy biscuits; SY drank a lot of tea; JL - dunno what she was doing (blocked by HS); HS also munched quite a lot. Our quiet YW ate the least I think. She was busy writing down what prof said. but i dun understand her notes. :( Cannot even copy from her.
SF also drank quite a lot of tea, also ven MD. As for ven MJ, she was forever the one asking a lot of questions. as for our cutie of singapore, YY was quite helpful, helping to serve tea. But notti her, refused to pass the teapot to me when it was empty. I need to do the refill as I knew which teabags can be reused, which cannot (we mixed the teabags together). So i raised my voice to ask her to pass me the pot. she is forever that kiddy one. sorry if i have scared you, YY but I cannot tell you in public that the teabags' story. DJ had fun playing with the professional camera brought by TS. As for ven MZ, she is the quietest venerable.
It was quite a fun morning. But cold, I heard from pple it is going to drop to 7 degree celcius this week. I think most of us went to take a nap at this time. :( As for me, I have no such blessing. For those who know me well, you know why: if i sleep in afternoon, the consequence is terrible - severe migraine attacks, cannot sleep at nite. I can only envy HS whenever she goes to take a nap.
Well, it is ok. I still had a good short chat with YW and also some buddies online. Another pal is coming to taipei. Emm, hopefully can meet him up. I like an excuse to go taipei again.
I ate quite a lot of cheezy biscuits; SY drank a lot of tea; JL - dunno what she was doing (blocked by HS); HS also munched quite a lot. Our quiet YW ate the least I think. She was busy writing down what prof said. but i dun understand her notes. :( Cannot even copy from her.
SF also drank quite a lot of tea, also ven MD. As for ven MJ, she was forever the one asking a lot of questions. as for our cutie of singapore, YY was quite helpful, helping to serve tea. But notti her, refused to pass the teapot to me when it was empty. I need to do the refill as I knew which teabags can be reused, which cannot (we mixed the teabags together). So i raised my voice to ask her to pass me the pot. she is forever that kiddy one. sorry if i have scared you, YY but I cannot tell you in public that the teabags' story. DJ had fun playing with the professional camera brought by TS. As for ven MZ, she is the quietest venerable.
It was quite a fun morning. But cold, I heard from pple it is going to drop to 7 degree celcius this week. I think most of us went to take a nap at this time. :( As for me, I have no such blessing. For those who know me well, you know why: if i sleep in afternoon, the consequence is terrible - severe migraine attacks, cannot sleep at nite. I can only envy HS whenever she goes to take a nap.
Well, it is ok. I still had a good short chat with YW and also some buddies online. Another pal is coming to taipei. Emm, hopefully can meet him up. I like an excuse to go taipei again.
2007年12月29日星期六
Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
Today, I happened to see the following article from a website I used to go. This is nice. I thank to all those true friends I have now... :) birds of a feather tend to flock together and thanks to Buddha and our past destinies, I have the good companions to be with. Here, I really have to thank HS, SY, JL, YW and all :) You are really my true friends. May I be one to you too :) Of course, all those in singapore, You are my true friends too. I have good karma to have good friends. *vomitting while typing last sentence*
Realisation: Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
To have a true friend, be a true friend. -stonepeace
Came across these words by psychological researcher Murray Oxman - "Sadly, it is human nature to gravitate to those people who tell you what you want to hear. However, people who tell you what you want to hear do so for a reason - they want something from you. That is not friendship - it's exploitation. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear - the truth - not what you want to hear. To put in another way, truth is really the only friend a person needs. Friends in truth are real friends." How very startlingly true! It is unfortunate that most prefer sugar-coated words of agreement and flattery over bitter-tasting words of disagreement and criticism. The first makes us complacent and egoistic, while the latter keeps us mindful and humble. Ironically, sweet words are often offered by so-called "friends", while harsh words are often offered by so-called "enemies". But who is the real friend and enemy? The truthfulness in their words is the real gauge.
While your best "friend" might turn out to be your greatest enemy, the most antagonistic "enemy" might be your best "accidental" spiritual friend, who points out your faults better than anyone else. The thoroughly deluded tend to flock together, and stay away from the wise. Yes, birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's thus important to objectively assess the company we are with. Do they make us better people, or do they reinforce our delusions, conditioning our spiritual stagnance? I have seen friendships break up when friends reckon each other as enemies - when they disagree on criticism of each other. I can't criticise how true the criticism exchange is. But what I do know is that criticism, even if given in a harsh tone, can still be constructive in essence. Just as the wise are able to discern between the pleasing quality of words and their quality of truthfulness, the unwise are often distracted by patronising tones, missing their untruthfulness.
It is often tempting to tell others what they want to hear, just as it is tempting to hear what we prefer. But the real way to be a true friend is to be truthful, even if the truth has to be administered sensitively with skill. Likewise, the real way to attract true friends is to pay attention to the truth spoken by others. Let's be realistic though. Be it friend or foe, it is difficult to find one who is truthful or untruthful all of the time. Being imperfect, even the best of spiritual friends might accidentally share non-truths as truths. Unwittingly, the duo might be shared in mixed proportions. Thus, to believe in a particular friend to always be truthful without fail also leads to spiritual stagnance. The onus is then on us to be spiritually objective. Even if your best spiritual teacher hands you the ultimate Truth on a silver platter, you would still need to taste it to personally verify its authenticity. A good spiritual friend would not ask you to believe him or her blindly - because truth is not for mere agreement with; but for realisation of. So, who are your true friends? And are you a true friend to anyone? -Shen Shi'an
Realisation: Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
To have a true friend, be a true friend. -stonepeace
Came across these words by psychological researcher Murray Oxman - "Sadly, it is human nature to gravitate to those people who tell you what you want to hear. However, people who tell you what you want to hear do so for a reason - they want something from you. That is not friendship - it's exploitation. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear - the truth - not what you want to hear. To put in another way, truth is really the only friend a person needs. Friends in truth are real friends." How very startlingly true! It is unfortunate that most prefer sugar-coated words of agreement and flattery over bitter-tasting words of disagreement and criticism. The first makes us complacent and egoistic, while the latter keeps us mindful and humble. Ironically, sweet words are often offered by so-called "friends", while harsh words are often offered by so-called "enemies". But who is the real friend and enemy? The truthfulness in their words is the real gauge.
While your best "friend" might turn out to be your greatest enemy, the most antagonistic "enemy" might be your best "accidental" spiritual friend, who points out your faults better than anyone else. The thoroughly deluded tend to flock together, and stay away from the wise. Yes, birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's thus important to objectively assess the company we are with. Do they make us better people, or do they reinforce our delusions, conditioning our spiritual stagnance? I have seen friendships break up when friends reckon each other as enemies - when they disagree on criticism of each other. I can't criticise how true the criticism exchange is. But what I do know is that criticism, even if given in a harsh tone, can still be constructive in essence. Just as the wise are able to discern between the pleasing quality of words and their quality of truthfulness, the unwise are often distracted by patronising tones, missing their untruthfulness.
It is often tempting to tell others what they want to hear, just as it is tempting to hear what we prefer. But the real way to be a true friend is to be truthful, even if the truth has to be administered sensitively with skill. Likewise, the real way to attract true friends is to pay attention to the truth spoken by others. Let's be realistic though. Be it friend or foe, it is difficult to find one who is truthful or untruthful all of the time. Being imperfect, even the best of spiritual friends might accidentally share non-truths as truths. Unwittingly, the duo might be shared in mixed proportions. Thus, to believe in a particular friend to always be truthful without fail also leads to spiritual stagnance. The onus is then on us to be spiritually objective. Even if your best spiritual teacher hands you the ultimate Truth on a silver platter, you would still need to taste it to personally verify its authenticity. A good spiritual friend would not ask you to believe him or her blindly - because truth is not for mere agreement with; but for realisation of. So, who are your true friends? And are you a true friend to anyone? -Shen Shi'an
A nice walk with SY
Last nite, SY and I decided to go on a walking meditation after the dinner. It was quite an impromptus that we also included the practice of the chanting after it. The night was so cool and we met ven. RY on the way. Then I have to tell ven RY on the condition of ven FG's room which is so dirty like a rubbish bin. Imagine the cleaner has not been cleaning for 2 weeks. EEK... Ven FG is so cool, he is not really concerned on his living conditions. He even commented that he is leaving soon, so it is ok. But well, this would dampen FGU's image. Emm... hopefully the cleaners start to clean right now.
It was our blessing to have ven. ry2 (this is ven. ru yuan - very cute looking ven) to teach us how to imagine when chanting. Cool, she got a strong voice. SY, myself and others who joined in impromptus were so grateful to her. It was quite fun though everything happened in such coincidence. I think we gained quite a lot in this short walk.
The unfortunate news we received from ven ry that we have to sing the 7 tunes... till the end. :( time to brush up. Ven MZ we all depend on you. haha. :P
It was our blessing to have ven. ry2 (this is ven. ru yuan - very cute looking ven) to teach us how to imagine when chanting. Cool, she got a strong voice. SY, myself and others who joined in impromptus were so grateful to her. It was quite fun though everything happened in such coincidence. I think we gained quite a lot in this short walk.
The unfortunate news we received from ven ry that we have to sing the 7 tunes... till the end. :( time to brush up. Ven MZ we all depend on you. haha. :P
2007年12月28日星期五
Rebirth
rebirth. that's what happened to my laptop a few days ago. It was a drastic experience for me. My whole computer crashed. I guess it is becos' of all those "beloved" viruses I got from various sources. To test the manual removal (thorough cleaning), I accidentally deleted a system file. Then the laptop can't boot. With no clear thoughts, I used the manufacturer's recovery cd (not windows recovery) and foolishly I click "yes" twice to "recover" to the manufacturing stage.
Sigh, big mistake. My two completed reports and many of the recent photos are gone. :( No recovery tool can help after this stupid mistake as it departitioned, partitioned and put the laptop to new born stage. I was so pissed of myself. When HS came in, she saw that I was not very happy and I broke down to tell her my stupid mistake. She consoled me and told me not to think so much. I am glad she was there when I need someone to complain about my stupid act. Well, not many knew my laptop has reincarnated. Some tot I was ill on monday. I tried to behave properly but it hurts.. for the fact that the mistake is made very own by myself. And worse still, there are some data that the teacher shared with us and I have not copied to the shared PC.
during the attempts to recover, my thoughts wandered. I tot, this is like our own rebirth. So much so that we might not want to be reborn even though initially we made the mistake of wanting to reborn, but it was too late. We went through the life once again and relearn what we learnt before in our past lifes. Restart again .... So sicko :( Of course, the relearning is never going to be the same as what we learnt in past lifes. Just like the reports I have redone. Quality? It would depend on us whether we want our lives to be better or worse.
Now, back on track to take care of my this little bf (according to HS, this is my precious BF). I hope this will not happen to anyone else again.
Sigh, big mistake. My two completed reports and many of the recent photos are gone. :( No recovery tool can help after this stupid mistake as it departitioned, partitioned and put the laptop to new born stage. I was so pissed of myself. When HS came in, she saw that I was not very happy and I broke down to tell her my stupid mistake. She consoled me and told me not to think so much. I am glad she was there when I need someone to complain about my stupid act. Well, not many knew my laptop has reincarnated. Some tot I was ill on monday. I tried to behave properly but it hurts.. for the fact that the mistake is made very own by myself. And worse still, there are some data that the teacher shared with us and I have not copied to the shared PC.
during the attempts to recover, my thoughts wandered. I tot, this is like our own rebirth. So much so that we might not want to be reborn even though initially we made the mistake of wanting to reborn, but it was too late. We went through the life once again and relearn what we learnt before in our past lifes. Restart again .... So sicko :( Of course, the relearning is never going to be the same as what we learnt in past lifes. Just like the reports I have redone. Quality? It would depend on us whether we want our lives to be better or worse.
Now, back on track to take care of my this little bf (according to HS, this is my precious BF). I hope this will not happen to anyone else again.
2007年12月23日星期日
Nanhua University Trip
We went Nanhua University last fri and got back late yesterday. The trip is very fruitful. I guess all of us gained something or another back from the scholars' presentations.
Yes, HS and I called up Ven. Miaomu to thank her for the parcel she sent. We were so glad to hear her voice and Ven Manke's too. It's a pity that we can't talk to them long. But nevertheless, it was quite special to call them on friday night since sat is the "dong zhi". Just a funny episode: SY was with us, she was enjoying her ice cream and HS and I were walking aimlessly while talking to ven MiaoMu and ven Manke. In the end, HS led us to a big car park. Then I led us to the exit route down hill. We got lost. In the end, we have to ask some students to get back to where we stay. Kekeke.. Lesson learnt: Don't walk when you are talking. :P
It was quite enjoyable though - to get lost. SY was so cute. She is our younger sister. HS and I love her a lot. That night, YS bought the supposedly most delicious smelly tofu to us. She had to return the bike somewhere so we waited for her. We waited, SF and her didn't appear. then we moved out to wait. We waited, venerables appeared but not them. When they finally appeared, we were very relieved but by then, we finished our share of smelly tofu. kekekeke
Our trip back to FGU is not quiet. TS was asking our classmates to share what we have learnt from this trip (she is the "tour organizer" sort). I was not feeling well once again due to my motion sickness. Couldn't sleep in the bus, :( couldn't watch cartoon. But it is still ok to hear the classmates talk about their feelings. Quite enjoyable. But i prefer cartoons :P
Must really thanks HS and SY who have taken care of me in the bus while I was in the motion sickness mode during the to and fro trip. Thank you, sisters! And thanks to YW for giving me the rice juice drink , though i didn't get to drink the cup (due to motion sickness, JL has offered to YW that she will drink it)<- btw, I was thinking to drink half of it, but when JL told me she drank up all for me, I was heartbroken. But i still have to thank her. :( YW, pls buy me rice juice when I am not taking bus, ok? HEEHEE.
Yes, HS and I called up Ven. Miaomu to thank her for the parcel she sent. We were so glad to hear her voice and Ven Manke's too. It's a pity that we can't talk to them long. But nevertheless, it was quite special to call them on friday night since sat is the "dong zhi". Just a funny episode: SY was with us, she was enjoying her ice cream and HS and I were walking aimlessly while talking to ven MiaoMu and ven Manke. In the end, HS led us to a big car park. Then I led us to the exit route down hill. We got lost. In the end, we have to ask some students to get back to where we stay. Kekeke.. Lesson learnt: Don't walk when you are talking. :P
It was quite enjoyable though - to get lost. SY was so cute. She is our younger sister. HS and I love her a lot. That night, YS bought the supposedly most delicious smelly tofu to us. She had to return the bike somewhere so we waited for her. We waited, SF and her didn't appear. then we moved out to wait. We waited, venerables appeared but not them. When they finally appeared, we were very relieved but by then, we finished our share of smelly tofu. kekekeke
Our trip back to FGU is not quiet. TS was asking our classmates to share what we have learnt from this trip (she is the "tour organizer" sort). I was not feeling well once again due to my motion sickness. Couldn't sleep in the bus, :( couldn't watch cartoon. But it is still ok to hear the classmates talk about their feelings. Quite enjoyable. But i prefer cartoons :P
Must really thanks HS and SY who have taken care of me in the bus while I was in the motion sickness mode during the to and fro trip. Thank you, sisters! And thanks to YW for giving me the rice juice drink , though i didn't get to drink the cup (due to motion sickness, JL has offered to YW that she will drink it)<- btw, I was thinking to drink half of it, but when JL told me she drank up all for me, I was heartbroken. But i still have to thank her. :( YW, pls buy me rice juice when I am not taking bus, ok? HEEHEE.
2007年12月20日星期四
:(
yes, i am blogging during my english counselling session. the kids are having examinations so I am waiting for them to complete the papers.
today is not a good day for me. first, XH broke down during the morning class. I was quite worried for her as she doesn't seem to be happy these few days. The last I spoke to her was last sunday night when we happily tok about our different groups in FGS. She seemed stressed today. I don't know how to help her. :( luckily ven mj is with her, probably tok to her and she began to speak to us again during the late afternoon lesson. But before the lesson, she rushed off. I hope she would be there when i return to my hostel. if not, hope she will come back after weekend.
Next, is the trip to the hostel to buy some snacks before going to the library. nearly fell off the long stair case. I think my leg is injured once again. Sigh. :( And i didn't get to eat the snacks i bought for I left it in the library, time was running out so i went off for this lesson. Hope HS had enjoyed the snacks but well, probably she doesn't love chocolate as I do, but what to do? there is only chocolate left from the stall. the butter wa spoilt and the boss threw it away when he saw me staring at the brown brown thing. On the trip to the classroom, once again, i nearly tripped over climbing up the stairs. Am i a humpty dumpty? maybe i need to eat more calcium and vit D. hahaha.
The worst thing is, not all the kids arrived to do the exam. Esp the girl who greeted me this noon. She said "see you tonight", but she never appeared. I think they are afriad of the exams thus, they didn't appear. But sad to tell them, when we enjoy christmas party next week, they have to do the exams. Hahahaha... am i being evil? :P Actually, the exams are to help them to know the words from the text so that they can be more familiar during the real exam and I am not here to pull down their marks. if they cannot score, i will give them other means to bring up this mark. Sigh, HS and I were so disheartened everytime we go for these remedial lessons. If they choose not to help themselves, how to help them? Suddenly, tot of the "yi jiao jing"'s words said by the Buddha: I am like a doctor, I diagnosed and prescibed the medicine for the sick, if the sick chooses not to eat, it is not the doctor's fault.
As a "bodhisattrva", i will continue trying to help them, esp those who wish to learn. Hopefully, they will get good results in the final term and most importantly, love english.
today is not a good day for me. first, XH broke down during the morning class. I was quite worried for her as she doesn't seem to be happy these few days. The last I spoke to her was last sunday night when we happily tok about our different groups in FGS. She seemed stressed today. I don't know how to help her. :( luckily ven mj is with her, probably tok to her and she began to speak to us again during the late afternoon lesson. But before the lesson, she rushed off. I hope she would be there when i return to my hostel. if not, hope she will come back after weekend.
Next, is the trip to the hostel to buy some snacks before going to the library. nearly fell off the long stair case. I think my leg is injured once again. Sigh. :( And i didn't get to eat the snacks i bought for I left it in the library, time was running out so i went off for this lesson. Hope HS had enjoyed the snacks but well, probably she doesn't love chocolate as I do, but what to do? there is only chocolate left from the stall. the butter wa spoilt and the boss threw it away when he saw me staring at the brown brown thing. On the trip to the classroom, once again, i nearly tripped over climbing up the stairs. Am i a humpty dumpty? maybe i need to eat more calcium and vit D. hahaha.
The worst thing is, not all the kids arrived to do the exam. Esp the girl who greeted me this noon. She said "see you tonight", but she never appeared. I think they are afriad of the exams thus, they didn't appear. But sad to tell them, when we enjoy christmas party next week, they have to do the exams. Hahahaha... am i being evil? :P Actually, the exams are to help them to know the words from the text so that they can be more familiar during the real exam and I am not here to pull down their marks. if they cannot score, i will give them other means to bring up this mark. Sigh, HS and I were so disheartened everytime we go for these remedial lessons. If they choose not to help themselves, how to help them? Suddenly, tot of the "yi jiao jing"'s words said by the Buddha: I am like a doctor, I diagnosed and prescibed the medicine for the sick, if the sick chooses not to eat, it is not the doctor's fault.
As a "bodhisattrva", i will continue trying to help them, esp those who wish to learn. Hopefully, they will get good results in the final term and most importantly, love english.
2007年12月17日星期一
饺子恐惧症
today, i have the above mentioned illness. TS and YW asked HS and me to go to help up in the jiaozi making. All of us are tasked to to 1600+ jiaozi. We started from 1 plus and ended around 430 p.m. Boy, me and SY were nearly on the verge of vomiting after the whole event.
Wow.... when i saw the jiaozi during dinner today, I nearly fainted due to my illness. Imagine each of us is allocated with 20 jiaozi-s. I only finished 16. Now I see the point why HS made hers so small. I was laffing at her for being stingy. Mine are gigantic jiaozi. To finish 20, I think I would prefer HS's ones too.
Ven MD and I had a small "argument" over who made the jiaozi which I have selected. She claimed it was her, for it looked normal and the size was normal. I tot it was me becos' i made some of her patterns too. Anyway, it is already in my stomach, who cares? :P
It was a good afternoon to make jiaozis with the aunties and our classmates. But, please don't have it too often. I have to cure my phobia first.
Wow.... when i saw the jiaozi during dinner today, I nearly fainted due to my illness. Imagine each of us is allocated with 20 jiaozi-s. I only finished 16. Now I see the point why HS made hers so small. I was laffing at her for being stingy. Mine are gigantic jiaozi. To finish 20, I think I would prefer HS's ones too.
Ven MD and I had a small "argument" over who made the jiaozi which I have selected. She claimed it was her, for it looked normal and the size was normal. I tot it was me becos' i made some of her patterns too. Anyway, it is already in my stomach, who cares? :P
It was a good afternoon to make jiaozis with the aunties and our classmates. But, please don't have it too often. I have to cure my phobia first.
朝山
是的。我终于做到了。昨日，我成功地朝山了。真得很开心。等了那么久的时间。
还记得在短期出家的时候，又希望能朝山， 又怕自己做不到， 而不想朝山。 那一次，台风天-朝山取消。
过了一年，我来祝寿， 又可能有机会朝山。 我的心情如同当初，可能是佛菩萨知道我还没准备好，朝山因为大众星期六太累了，朝山取消。
昨日，我带着“随它去“的心情朝山了。 还好，朝山对我而言，还可以。只是在跪楼梯时，膝盖真的好痛，却也忍了下来。在过程中，我开始是求自己的心愿能够达成，到了在麻竹园的菩提二路时，我开始求大众的心愿都能达成。 在上楼梯时，我已变成希望众生都能心想事成， 众生都能离苦得乐。我察觉我的心念改变时，我很开心，因为，我不再那么自私， 那么自我。。。
我想，世界上最快乐的事，就是能学佛。我这一生才没白活。
觉培法师问我们“如果，你只能活三天，你会用这三天做什么？“ 我已有我的答案。你呢？想想看吧
还记得在短期出家的时候，又希望能朝山， 又怕自己做不到， 而不想朝山。 那一次，台风天-朝山取消。
过了一年，我来祝寿， 又可能有机会朝山。 我的心情如同当初，可能是佛菩萨知道我还没准备好，朝山因为大众星期六太累了，朝山取消。
昨日，我带着“随它去“的心情朝山了。 还好，朝山对我而言，还可以。只是在跪楼梯时，膝盖真的好痛，却也忍了下来。在过程中，我开始是求自己的心愿能够达成，到了在麻竹园的菩提二路时，我开始求大众的心愿都能达成。 在上楼梯时，我已变成希望众生都能心想事成， 众生都能离苦得乐。我察觉我的心念改变时，我很开心，因为，我不再那么自私， 那么自我。。。
我想，世界上最快乐的事，就是能学佛。我这一生才没白活。
觉培法师问我们“如果，你只能活三天，你会用这三天做什么？“ 我已有我的答案。你呢？想想看吧
2007年12月13日星期四
Cleaning the XiangDeng Area
Very glad that I have finally finished cleaning up the XiangDeng Area - my duties were to clean up and tidy up the sutras in the shelf and cupboard. I have started cleaning it with GM last friday. But we didn't complete. Thus, this week, I signed up for xiangdeng duties again to complete the unfinished tasks.
So glad that the team this week is all from our class. The 3 special ones who received "bowls" from me and of course, our long-service XiangDeng SF. A pity that YW was not in the team. Probably if there is another opportunity, may 5 of us who shared the special gifts can be xiangdeng or do other duties together.
I have volunteered to help HS in cleaning up the buddha statue. So excited. This is my first time other than cleaning the small ones in my room in Singapore. Hopefully I would be a help rather than a burden.
My "Da-Ban" is getting better each day. Today, I finally have overcome the pseudo-silent beat. Senior KP didn't comment any mistakes on my Da-Ban. Kekekeke. She has been a good teacher watching us from far and commenting only when she found the things we did were unwholesome. She also doesn't anyhow comment on people. She watched the right timing and the people she comments. She teaches me a lot of things during my duties as a computer room attendant.
So glad that the team this week is all from our class. The 3 special ones who received "bowls" from me and of course, our long-service XiangDeng SF. A pity that YW was not in the team. Probably if there is another opportunity, may 5 of us who shared the special gifts can be xiangdeng or do other duties together.
I have volunteered to help HS in cleaning up the buddha statue. So excited. This is my first time other than cleaning the small ones in my room in Singapore. Hopefully I would be a help rather than a burden.
My "Da-Ban" is getting better each day. Today, I finally have overcome the pseudo-silent beat. Senior KP didn't comment any mistakes on my Da-Ban. Kekekeke. She has been a good teacher watching us from far and commenting only when she found the things we did were unwholesome. She also doesn't anyhow comment on people. She watched the right timing and the people she comments. She teaches me a lot of things during my duties as a computer room attendant.
2007年12月12日星期三
Ven MM's Departure
Yesterday early afternoon, ven mm has left this place. She went to FGS first before returning to China. :( So sad. She left without bidding goodbye to us yesterday. She has really left an impact in my life, building up my determination to be someone like her, donating her whole self to the sentient beings, be committed in all the duties she does and be hardworking in learning Buddhism.
I am glad that YW and I had a good heart-to-heart talk with her on the night before she left though we only ended our chat around 12 midnight. She gave us a short analysis of our characteristics too. This would help us in changing ourselves for the better. Of course, the more important thing is, she has pointed the way, we must walk the path ourselves. Ven MM is like guanyin, compassionate and wise. She is so caring, I would miss her a lot. I know that, cos' I have started to miss her presence.
Hopefully, she would return soon. And when she returns, I would be a better person and so is YW. But of course, HS's and my wish is to be able to fulfill ven MM's wish. May Buddha and Bodhisattvas aid us in fulfilling that. :)
I am glad that YW and I had a good heart-to-heart talk with her on the night before she left though we only ended our chat around 12 midnight. She gave us a short analysis of our characteristics too. This would help us in changing ourselves for the better. Of course, the more important thing is, she has pointed the way, we must walk the path ourselves. Ven MM is like guanyin, compassionate and wise. She is so caring, I would miss her a lot. I know that, cos' I have started to miss her presence.
Hopefully, she would return soon. And when she returns, I would be a better person and so is YW. But of course, HS's and my wish is to be able to fulfill ven MM's wish. May Buddha and Bodhisattvas aid us in fulfilling that. :)
2007年12月6日星期四
Who do you live for?
This morning, after cleaning up the hall, I met Ven. MM. Once again, we drew the "Fo Guang Fa Yu". Ven MM is a good interpreter of the "Fo Guang Fa Yu". I asked a new question today. Normally I only have one question in mind but got different varieties of answers which are quite similar. Today, my mind is occupied by another matter. She interpreted the lot and told me the poem is asking me not to think too much of the matter. Emm, probably like what i always said "天下本无事，庸人自扰之”. Now it applies to me.
Ven MM asked me a question "Who do you live for?" I pondered and said "I don't know" for I dun think I am right to say I live for myself nor for sentient beings. Seems like she can read my thoughts. So she explained to me if I were to say I live for sentient beings, I have not let go my self-ego. If I were to say for myself, that is certainly a high ego.
I am thankful to all these "masters" I have met. Esp, Ven MM, Ven MJ, TS, HS and YW. They are really the bodhisattrvas in my path, correcting my mistakes and making me a better person. Time to get back to work! Chao!
Ven MM asked me a question "Who do you live for?" I pondered and said "I don't know" for I dun think I am right to say I live for myself nor for sentient beings. Seems like she can read my thoughts. So she explained to me if I were to say I live for sentient beings, I have not let go my self-ego. If I were to say for myself, that is certainly a high ego.
I am thankful to all these "masters" I have met. Esp, Ven MM, Ven MJ, TS, HS and YW. They are really the bodhisattrvas in my path, correcting my mistakes and making me a better person. Time to get back to work! Chao!
2007年12月3日星期一
No lessons - Blurred
sigh. went to lessons this morning. then there was no lesson. HS, ven MJ and I were all waiting in the room in vain. But the time was well spent. We had a heart to heart talk with ven MJ and wrote some articles for her. I think she is really capable and caring. She has demonstrated the Bodhisattva's actions. Hopefully one day I will be like her. More to learn, more to let go, more to forget... ...
The afternoon lesson was canceled too. :( Luckily, HS and I have submitted our $$$ form and done some logistics work. Ven MD said something during the class that strikes my thoughts. I have to ponder deep and practise the walk.
We have decided to go to the NanHua University for the conference in weeks to come. Sigh.... gotta spend more $$$ to travel and food but I think it would be a good experience for us. I was not able to decide but HS has put my name down. So, I will just go and see what i can learn from this conference.
So much on the boring day. Time to get back to my work. Many essays to complete before the term ends. To be a good Bodhisattva's partner, I have to constantly remind HS and YW on the work outstanding and get back to the work without losing focus.
The afternoon lesson was canceled too. :( Luckily, HS and I have submitted our $$$ form and done some logistics work. Ven MD said something during the class that strikes my thoughts. I have to ponder deep and practise the walk.
We have decided to go to the NanHua University for the conference in weeks to come. Sigh.... gotta spend more $$$ to travel and food but I think it would be a good experience for us. I was not able to decide but HS has put my name down. So, I will just go and see what i can learn from this conference.
So much on the boring day. Time to get back to my work. Many essays to complete before the term ends. To be a good Bodhisattva's partner, I have to constantly remind HS and YW on the work outstanding and get back to the work without losing focus.
2007年11月29日星期四
English Supplementary Lessons - Just for Laugh
As you may be aware, HS and I are teaching as part-time English teachers cum counsellors in the school. We earn less than McDonalds staff in singapore but we still dedicate our effort and time to help the students.
today, I was marking their exercises. nearly puke blood and died from excessive coughing. let me share with you what many have written which gave me a heart attack. I got it becos' i gave them the "obvious" answers in the previous slides i showed before the exercise.
Santa Claus
=> what they wrote
-- Christmas old man
-- santan claus
Buddha, please help me.... *cough cough*
today, I was marking their exercises. nearly puke blood and died from excessive coughing. let me share with you what many have written which gave me a heart attack. I got it becos' i gave them the "obvious" answers in the previous slides i showed before the exercise.
Santa Claus
=> what they wrote
-- Christmas old man
-- santan claus
Buddha, please help me.... *cough cough*
2007年11月28日星期三
12 degree celcius
wow... today the weather is so cold and i can't find my fake ears (the ear puffs). HS said she will help me to find later after the lesson. Let's hope we can find them. My student was right. He warned me the temperature is dropping to 12 degree celcius. emm... luckily i heeded his advice.
our hands were so cold. feel like fridge. Emm.. winter is here... boy, we are going to experience the coldness more and more.
Dunno whether my present for AL has reached singapore. Hopefully it reaches him before his bday.
We are counting down the days left for our return to singapore. HS and I will touch down singapore on 27th January 2008. Heard that venerables advised us to go back earlier but too bad, the departure date from taipei cannot be altered. We decided to spend quality time with our families and friends when we return. Emm, please prepare our return. juz joking!
Sigh, a few weeks later, our fav classmate, ven mm is going back to china. So sad! I really would miss her. she is such a nice pal, intelligent and kind. I wish she would be back soon. Hopefully china and taiwan will patch up their relationship then the students can stay longer in either countries. I hope we can spend more quality time with her also.
Time to get my consciousness back to the evening class. Write again next time. Bye.
P.S. to yy, dunno leh. I think the message board does not accept those censored words. hahaha
our hands were so cold. feel like fridge. Emm.. winter is here... boy, we are going to experience the coldness more and more.
Dunno whether my present for AL has reached singapore. Hopefully it reaches him before his bday.
We are counting down the days left for our return to singapore. HS and I will touch down singapore on 27th January 2008. Heard that venerables advised us to go back earlier but too bad, the departure date from taipei cannot be altered. We decided to spend quality time with our families and friends when we return. Emm, please prepare our return. juz joking!
Sigh, a few weeks later, our fav classmate, ven mm is going back to china. So sad! I really would miss her. she is such a nice pal, intelligent and kind. I wish she would be back soon. Hopefully china and taiwan will patch up their relationship then the students can stay longer in either countries. I hope we can spend more quality time with her also.
Time to get my consciousness back to the evening class. Write again next time. Bye.
P.S. to yy, dunno leh. I think the message board does not accept those censored words. hahaha
2007年11月27日星期二
An enjoyable day @ Ling Shan Temple
Last sat, we had a great time @ the Ling Shan Temple. I meant those who went (e.g. TS, HS, YW, SY, I and many venerables). It was really a good activity to build stronger bonding among us.
Actually, I tot I would not be able to make it as I had a fall on wednesday which left my thigh and the knee cap injured. Luckily the pain is bearable. All the master class students who went are split into diff groups to mingle with the undergrads.
I was fortunate to join Ven. MM's team. She is very clever and caring. Our team got my sister's fav color as the scarf - purple. We had many games. the worst is the one which needs us to barefoot and walk on stones. I tot I am already very weak already, but when I saw HS also complained, well, I am not that bad afterall.
The walk in the spring water was an adventure. The ven. instructor has given a lot of effort to make sure we wont catch a cold by feeding us with the gems of the Buddhist delicacies - ginger, bitter tea and chili. I was really afraid of water, but I have to take care of my partner, so I pretended not very scared. Actually, I have phobia for water. Once again, YW and HS kept complaining about the rough stones in the water. HS is better, in terms that she was still willing to walk (luckily she is my partner for the water game). Our dear meimei, YW was getting a lot of help from da-jiejie xiuhui.
The most fun was the finale which we requested the instructor and teacher to let us extend our stay and complete it. I was really fortunate to be in front with 3 venerables (esp with teacher MG). We hugged so close, and so committed to finish the game. Ven MJ and Sister XH were really super. They were the head of our line and they are able to demonstrate sacrificial of legs and body to get over the "river".
we ended our nite around 8pm. I don't think anyone wants to return so early as we still missed a game. But, there will be a next time. Hopefully, next round, YY, HY, DJ will join us too.
btw, the dinner was awesome... you have to cook your own noodles in a steamboat kind of machine and the sauces were tasty.
How wish it is time to go again.
p.s. fell sick after the trip :( cough.... cough... and with some cold. Think HS spread to me this round. We shared the same medicine now (ginseng pi-pa-gao sponsored by YW)... HEE
Actually, I tot I would not be able to make it as I had a fall on wednesday which left my thigh and the knee cap injured. Luckily the pain is bearable. All the master class students who went are split into diff groups to mingle with the undergrads.
I was fortunate to join Ven. MM's team. She is very clever and caring. Our team got my sister's fav color as the scarf - purple. We had many games. the worst is the one which needs us to barefoot and walk on stones. I tot I am already very weak already, but when I saw HS also complained, well, I am not that bad afterall.
The walk in the spring water was an adventure. The ven. instructor has given a lot of effort to make sure we wont catch a cold by feeding us with the gems of the Buddhist delicacies - ginger, bitter tea and chili. I was really afraid of water, but I have to take care of my partner, so I pretended not very scared. Actually, I have phobia for water. Once again, YW and HS kept complaining about the rough stones in the water. HS is better, in terms that she was still willing to walk (luckily she is my partner for the water game). Our dear meimei, YW was getting a lot of help from da-jiejie xiuhui.
The most fun was the finale which we requested the instructor and teacher to let us extend our stay and complete it. I was really fortunate to be in front with 3 venerables (esp with teacher MG). We hugged so close, and so committed to finish the game. Ven MJ and Sister XH were really super. They were the head of our line and they are able to demonstrate sacrificial of legs and body to get over the "river".
we ended our nite around 8pm. I don't think anyone wants to return so early as we still missed a game. But, there will be a next time. Hopefully, next round, YY, HY, DJ will join us too.
btw, the dinner was awesome... you have to cook your own noodles in a steamboat kind of machine and the sauces were tasty.
How wish it is time to go again.
p.s. fell sick after the trip :( cough.... cough... and with some cold. Think HS spread to me this round. We shared the same medicine now (ginseng pi-pa-gao sponsored by YW)... HEE
2007年11月18日星期日
Sunday without HS
This is a day to remember. HS went with Ven. MS to do promotion for our school yesterday. I think she is on the way back when I am typing this blog. Cool, she did us proud. She is the first Singaporean Ven MS approached to bring to do promotion for the school. I am really proud of this sister. THREE CHEERS FOR HS!! HIPHIP, HOORAY! x3
When watching her departed with ven MS and our junior, ven. MG and MY told me that I would need to go some other round too. I told them I couldn't cos' of my motion sickness, probably travel is a problem for me. Then they said I would drive. I told them driving is no problem but someone must know the route. haha.
It was fun replacing HS in doing the "xing-tang" duties. Ven. RY gave me chance to "DA-BAN" for two times though I didn't get the chance to sha-ban. Not very good still. I guess I was a bit nervous. Have to improve more. Ven RY also told me the fruits I have cut are not in similar shapes and sizes. I guess, I have to practise to cut more.
Actually, Ven RY is very cute too. She was telling me how she got her "jie-ba" and that hers are the most beautiful. I jokingly told her, probably HS's one is the nicest for she only got 1. Ven RY and I had a very full lunch as we were clearing the fruits, noodles, and soup. have to eat less tonight... else my weight will bounce back. I told TS i can eat more when HS is not around cos' no one is controlling my diet. .haha.. but of cos, once a while is ok. I still like her nagging.. .just like my sister @ home... both are so nagging.
Tonight, CJ, JL and I decided to eat the vegetarian shabu shabu @ jiaoxi. Let me and JL be the guinea pigs before bringing HS to go and eat bah! <- Excuses... just that I can't wait to try it. Also, we need to buy groceries again.. toilet paper is running out in my room... I think we have over-used. :( must start to use the toilet downstairs to save the papers.. hahahahaha
When watching her departed with ven MS and our junior, ven. MG and MY told me that I would need to go some other round too. I told them I couldn't cos' of my motion sickness, probably travel is a problem for me. Then they said I would drive. I told them driving is no problem but someone must know the route. haha.
It was fun replacing HS in doing the "xing-tang" duties. Ven. RY gave me chance to "DA-BAN" for two times though I didn't get the chance to sha-ban. Not very good still. I guess I was a bit nervous. Have to improve more. Ven RY also told me the fruits I have cut are not in similar shapes and sizes. I guess, I have to practise to cut more.
Actually, Ven RY is very cute too. She was telling me how she got her "jie-ba" and that hers are the most beautiful. I jokingly told her, probably HS's one is the nicest for she only got 1. Ven RY and I had a very full lunch as we were clearing the fruits, noodles, and soup. have to eat less tonight... else my weight will bounce back. I told TS i can eat more when HS is not around cos' no one is controlling my diet. .haha.. but of cos, once a while is ok. I still like her nagging.. .just like my sister @ home... both are so nagging.
Tonight, CJ, JL and I decided to eat the vegetarian shabu shabu @ jiaoxi. Let me and JL be the guinea pigs before bringing HS to go and eat bah! <- Excuses... just that I can't wait to try it. Also, we need to buy groceries again.. toilet paper is running out in my room... I think we have over-used. :( must start to use the toilet downstairs to save the papers.. hahahahaha
2007年11月15日星期四
Sumptuous Lunch
Today, TS, YW, HS, Ven. MZ and I went to Yilan to see different doctors. Actually I just went to buy medicine for my wounds and accompany the three ladies to see the miracle doctor who helped YW to fix back the faulty kneecap allowing her to walk properly.
Emm, the place and the doc is not very impressive. Actually there is some concern with the hygiene problem. I was a bit disgusted when they re-use the towels without replacing with clean washed ones. HS complained about the smelly bed. hahahaha... she is already so dirty and yet, she also cannot stand that place.
We have a sumptuous lunch @ the Di Shui Fang again. Same old dishes.. but YW, HS and I seem to love them as they are. Ven MZ was so cute. I didn't know she can eat so much food. It is really a blessing for us to have lunch with a venerable so freely. TS again showed her cooking skills. She is really worth up to the name of the best helper of our kitchen.
I ate so much this afternoon. Time to fast during dinner. HS went to bath immediately after lesson as she smelt of strong chinese herbal medicine and she was so dirty. Her clothes too. Eek...
Time to see the clothes we washed. Hope they are clean now. Write next time.
P.S. to all concerned, I am back to normal again... cos' i have recovered from my cough and flu. :D Thanks for all the concerns!
Emm, the place and the doc is not very impressive. Actually there is some concern with the hygiene problem. I was a bit disgusted when they re-use the towels without replacing with clean washed ones. HS complained about the smelly bed. hahahaha... she is already so dirty and yet, she also cannot stand that place.
We have a sumptuous lunch @ the Di Shui Fang again. Same old dishes.. but YW, HS and I seem to love them as they are. Ven MZ was so cute. I didn't know she can eat so much food. It is really a blessing for us to have lunch with a venerable so freely. TS again showed her cooking skills. She is really worth up to the name of the best helper of our kitchen.
I ate so much this afternoon. Time to fast during dinner. HS went to bath immediately after lesson as she smelt of strong chinese herbal medicine and she was so dirty. Her clothes too. Eek...
Time to see the clothes we washed. Hope they are clean now. Write next time.
P.S. to all concerned, I am back to normal again... cos' i have recovered from my cough and flu. :D Thanks for all the concerns!
2007年11月10日星期六
Tired
I feel very tired these few days. Probably becos' of the flu and cough. And worse still, I spread to others. Really feel very tired. I miss my family badly esp. when I am ill. Luckily, there is still pals like HS, TS around who showed concern frequently. I don't like to bother people, I guess i have to recover soon.
YW passed me a mask saying that it is a gift from YY. I was very happy to receive it - it is a black cute mask but i hope i wont need it. Cos' i want to recover. My eyes are quite painful. Sometimes, I feel like i am going to be blind. and my wounds on the hands are not recovering yet which causes another anxiety to me.
Sigh, what to do? Suddenly I missed the days with AL which we went out every weekends to watch a movie, eat hi-tea, or dinner. Or playing golf with AO in the green or driving range during evenings. But the one i miss most is to lie on the bed with my sis and chat till midnight.
Those were the days. Maybe in future, I would be missing the days I am in the classroom typing this blog and HS besides, browsing other's blogs.
Aren't we supposed to study? What are we doing? Emm, time to get back to study.
YW passed me a mask saying that it is a gift from YY. I was very happy to receive it - it is a black cute mask but i hope i wont need it. Cos' i want to recover. My eyes are quite painful. Sometimes, I feel like i am going to be blind. and my wounds on the hands are not recovering yet which causes another anxiety to me.
Sigh, what to do? Suddenly I missed the days with AL which we went out every weekends to watch a movie, eat hi-tea, or dinner. Or playing golf with AO in the green or driving range during evenings. But the one i miss most is to lie on the bed with my sis and chat till midnight.
Those were the days. Maybe in future, I would be missing the days I am in the classroom typing this blog and HS besides, browsing other's blogs.
Aren't we supposed to study? What are we doing? Emm, time to get back to study.
2007年10月29日星期一
Meeting QF
Yesterday was a tiring day when i went up to taipei to meet QF. Luckily, HS went with me else I would be very bored and sick during the journey.
QF's hair has grown to a very very lengthy stage. She looks like a model now but well, with a slightly big bottom. As usual, she is still very 38 but I do enjoy her company. The world is so small. QF and HS actually knew each other. Not surprising since both were from NTU. I am glad HS doesn't feel funny or awkward. We had a not-so-good tea in a vegetarian restaurant and went to the busy street of taipei. QF was looking for a pair of boots. But she still didn't buy any.
Times flies. I have known QF for 15+ years. It is been a long time yet like yesterday. We drifted apart after our sec days and though we seldom met, the special feeling is still there. We were the best of friends and well, we would still be. Together with SM, probably DL. DL is not so close to me though. :P but for QF's seek, I would consider him as part of us.
I guess, those were the times which you would find really good friends. I am glad I am back to school again. Probably, I didn't have enough of those fun days and coming back to have more. It is not the quantity of friends that matters, it is the quality. I am glad I have found some here.
Sigh.. time to go to study. :( Write next time!
QF's hair has grown to a very very lengthy stage. She looks like a model now but well, with a slightly big bottom. As usual, she is still very 38 but I do enjoy her company. The world is so small. QF and HS actually knew each other. Not surprising since both were from NTU. I am glad HS doesn't feel funny or awkward. We had a not-so-good tea in a vegetarian restaurant and went to the busy street of taipei. QF was looking for a pair of boots. But she still didn't buy any.
Times flies. I have known QF for 15+ years. It is been a long time yet like yesterday. We drifted apart after our sec days and though we seldom met, the special feeling is still there. We were the best of friends and well, we would still be. Together with SM, probably DL. DL is not so close to me though. :P but for QF's seek, I would consider him as part of us.
I guess, those were the times which you would find really good friends. I am glad I am back to school again. Probably, I didn't have enough of those fun days and coming back to have more. It is not the quantity of friends that matters, it is the quality. I am glad I have found some here.
Sigh.. time to go to study. :( Write next time!
2007年10月27日星期六
Jiaoxi's 1/2 day trip
Yesterday, HS and I decided to go to Jiaoxi's wenquan to do some "soaking" in the mineral water and helped some classmates to buy some stuff. I was eager to go as once again i can use my swimming suit. But our poor HS, kekekeke, had problem finding hers. Anyway, we still went. The lady gave us a smaller room this round but the tub is good for two. We were soaking nicely in the water, then we found some hairs... EEK!!!! The hair was long and didn't belong to us. My goodness... Yucks.. but well, we still continued to soak. HS went and played with the scoop spoon (dunno how to call it) and sang in an out-of-tune tune on something. As usual, i was daydreaming...
Bathing was a fun event. We took our turns to bath but as we were both cheeky, we distrubed each other when bathing.
Then, we went walking around the premise of Jiaoxi. We went to Mac to eat fries, went into some shops to see the local food. HS was like a kid while as usual i went out and take a breather.
our conversation at the mac was so heart-warming. We shared our past. Btw, i seldom shared it. I guess we both felt glad to find each other as close bosom friends who have the same wish to attain. Just like my sis and Mag.
I wanted to take the small road to see what it brought us to. HS was accomodating. We went and saw the locals living in not-so-good houses and the kids were playing the primitive games. This makes me remember the days in the kampong even though i was three. I somehow remembered i played with mud before as well.
Eating smelly tofu becomes our common hobby now. though I didn't really like the one selling in jiaoxi but that's the only choice.
The evening ended with the "impromptu" activity we had @ the huiguan. We were having dinner then found out that there was an activity by the FGS youths. Or at least I finally was aware. HS was telling me but I wasn't actually catching her point last time. hahaha. She had quite some fun i guess. For me, I was "accompanying the prince to study". Probably i dont find it interesting to play group games and I feel old.. :~(
As usual, my motion sickness came when I return to school. Fell died on the bed after reaching home.
Bathing was a fun event. We took our turns to bath but as we were both cheeky, we distrubed each other when bathing.
Then, we went walking around the premise of Jiaoxi. We went to Mac to eat fries, went into some shops to see the local food. HS was like a kid while as usual i went out and take a breather.
our conversation at the mac was so heart-warming. We shared our past. Btw, i seldom shared it. I guess we both felt glad to find each other as close bosom friends who have the same wish to attain. Just like my sis and Mag.
I wanted to take the small road to see what it brought us to. HS was accomodating. We went and saw the locals living in not-so-good houses and the kids were playing the primitive games. This makes me remember the days in the kampong even though i was three. I somehow remembered i played with mud before as well.
Eating smelly tofu becomes our common hobby now. though I didn't really like the one selling in jiaoxi but that's the only choice.
The evening ended with the "impromptu" activity we had @ the huiguan. We were having dinner then found out that there was an activity by the FGS youths. Or at least I finally was aware. HS was telling me but I wasn't actually catching her point last time. hahaha. She had quite some fun i guess. For me, I was "accompanying the prince to study". Probably i dont find it interesting to play group games and I feel old.. :~(
As usual, my motion sickness came when I return to school. Fell died on the bed after reaching home.
2007年10月17日星期三
Bringing the sick to see doc
yesterday, SF and I brought the injured fellows to see the chinese doc again. YW once again, was the noisiest among the all. She was sobbing and crying that she felt painful. SY was very strong, she was able to withstand the strength of the doc and was only yelling for part of the moment. Of course, our hero of the day was HS. She was forcing to smile whenever my camera shot at her. They are so poor things. When I see them in pain, I feel that what the Ven. MJ was right - we won't be able to understand what they are going through. No one can understand anyone.
I hope to help them in a way or another but YW was really too stubborn, insisting that and this. Eventually, I have to show an angry face to make sure she was obedient - I guess bodhisattva needs to show some fiercy figures to some sentient beings. This makes me think that probably, when guanyin was helping the sentient beings, she may also turn into violent or fierce forms to ensure the beings learn.
The return trip was horrible. The school bus went to Yilan first and then go back to school. I was really at the verge of vomitting. I felt terrible when we were walking up the slope to our dormitory. Gosh, I was trying to puke during this journey. Actually I felt bad, I was supposed to take care of the sickly and in the end, HS was patting my back to see if i was ok. :(
Of course, I got a little "reminder" from ven. MG when i went to sign off our sign-in and out list. :( We didn't know the bus was going to Yilan, if we know it, we would take the cab which enables us to reach earlier.
Well, this once again, tells that there is "if we know earlier". If we all have that ability, we won't be here as such poor sentient beings to be wandering in the six realms of suffering.
Time flies. One month has passed safely. I begin to wonder why I am here again - reconfirming my choice. I guess sometimes, I need to be reminded why I so-called gave up the "bright" career and lifestyle. I like this kind of life - worries are all about simple things - meal, sleep and homework. Hopefully, sooner or later, I would begin to turn more worries and trouble into bodhi. Well, I have finally understood the saying "天下本无事，庸人自擾之”.
I hope to help them in a way or another but YW was really too stubborn, insisting that and this. Eventually, I have to show an angry face to make sure she was obedient - I guess bodhisattva needs to show some fiercy figures to some sentient beings. This makes me think that probably, when guanyin was helping the sentient beings, she may also turn into violent or fierce forms to ensure the beings learn.
The return trip was horrible. The school bus went to Yilan first and then go back to school. I was really at the verge of vomitting. I felt terrible when we were walking up the slope to our dormitory. Gosh, I was trying to puke during this journey. Actually I felt bad, I was supposed to take care of the sickly and in the end, HS was patting my back to see if i was ok. :(
Of course, I got a little "reminder" from ven. MG when i went to sign off our sign-in and out list. :( We didn't know the bus was going to Yilan, if we know it, we would take the cab which enables us to reach earlier.
Well, this once again, tells that there is "if we know earlier". If we all have that ability, we won't be here as such poor sentient beings to be wandering in the six realms of suffering.
Time flies. One month has passed safely. I begin to wonder why I am here again - reconfirming my choice. I guess sometimes, I need to be reminded why I so-called gave up the "bright" career and lifestyle. I like this kind of life - worries are all about simple things - meal, sleep and homework. Hopefully, sooner or later, I would begin to turn more worries and trouble into bodhi. Well, I have finally understood the saying "天下本无事，庸人自擾之”.
2007年10月13日星期六
Virus Scanning
emm, never know that I will spend my saturday afternoon like this. :( Hee... Ven YD caught hold of me a few days ago to help her to update the virus scan file. I thought it would be an easy job and thus agreed to meet her on weekend to do. Sigh, I didn't know her laptop is infected with viruses and not just one but a few. I am now spending my time to scan and repair for her.
Actually, I tot ven YD is a very fierce person but in the contrasy, She is a very nice venerable, I realised. Knowing I am bored waiting to scan the virus, setting up the network (her wireless is unstable like mine), she shared a powerpoint presentation with me telling me how to do surveys for research purposes.
I didn't know some teams can really find time to do surveying and publish it. I am really impressed but I don't think I can do such surveys - no strength, no time.
Also saw YY's article, so proud of her to be able to write out her feelings and thoughts. Well, I see that she is a very fortunate person, like what Ven. MS said, not everyone knows his or her weaknesses. I think she is very fortunate to find them and to overcome them. Everyone of us is in the stage of recovering our true "self" but everyone has blind spots.
To tell someone sincerely his/her blind spot is to help; but to really help oneself, there is no other person than oneself. :)
Sometimes, we really spend too much time chasing the wrong things in life. These things are impermanent - cause pain when you lose it. We didn't know what we are chasing until the very last breath. What we lose, we have lost. I guess it is time to pick up from where we fall and move on. Life is not just about the wrong things. Bad experience makes us grow, while the good one may not be good. Friends are not really friends; foes are not really foes.
Maybe, having virus is also a good thing. It would teach us to be cautious while downloading things from forwarders. Can the virus scan be quicker... there is 4 hours plus to go :( :( :(
Actually, I tot ven YD is a very fierce person but in the contrasy, She is a very nice venerable, I realised. Knowing I am bored waiting to scan the virus, setting up the network (her wireless is unstable like mine), she shared a powerpoint presentation with me telling me how to do surveys for research purposes.
I didn't know some teams can really find time to do surveying and publish it. I am really impressed but I don't think I can do such surveys - no strength, no time.
Also saw YY's article, so proud of her to be able to write out her feelings and thoughts. Well, I see that she is a very fortunate person, like what Ven. MS said, not everyone knows his or her weaknesses. I think she is very fortunate to find them and to overcome them. Everyone of us is in the stage of recovering our true "self" but everyone has blind spots.
To tell someone sincerely his/her blind spot is to help; but to really help oneself, there is no other person than oneself. :)
Sometimes, we really spend too much time chasing the wrong things in life. These things are impermanent - cause pain when you lose it. We didn't know what we are chasing until the very last breath. What we lose, we have lost. I guess it is time to pick up from where we fall and move on. Life is not just about the wrong things. Bad experience makes us grow, while the good one may not be good. Friends are not really friends; foes are not really foes.
Maybe, having virus is also a good thing. It would teach us to be cautious while downloading things from forwarders. Can the virus scan be quicker... there is 4 hours plus to go :( :( :(
2007年9月30日星期日
Freshmen welcome party
We had a great fun last thursday nite. CJ was the superstar of the night (btw, she is "changjin" from thailand. Very beautiful - Ability - 5 stars - able to tame YY). Malaysians and Thais have put up performance. But we didn't. We like to be the backstage helpers.
Other than singing, HS and YY won in the mute-guessing game. A bit unfair though, cos' they used sign languages while others were really trying hard to put the words through actions for their teams.
We also celebrated JL's (Jin Ling) birthday. She is the youngest in our class - only 23. Sometimes, she doesn't understand what we were saying but will say "Yes, Yes". Haha
A lot of our classmates fell sick or injured. Some humpty dumpty had a great fall. Some poured like waterfall. Some like me, have pains here and there. Some careless cats cut their fingers. Sigh, it's like a international hospital at this moment. But our hearts are still healthy. :D
:( Time to do reports. Sigh!
Other than singing, HS and YY won in the mute-guessing game. A bit unfair though, cos' they used sign languages while others were really trying hard to put the words through actions for their teams.
We also celebrated JL's (Jin Ling) birthday. She is the youngest in our class - only 23. Sometimes, she doesn't understand what we were saying but will say "Yes, Yes". Haha
A lot of our classmates fell sick or injured. Some humpty dumpty had a great fall. Some poured like waterfall. Some like me, have pains here and there. Some careless cats cut their fingers. Sigh, it's like a international hospital at this moment. But our hearts are still healthy. :D
:( Time to do reports. Sigh!
2007年9月26日星期三
Celebrating Mid Autumn Day
Last night, after dinner, HS, YY, and I went out to stroll under the moon. We saw Ven. JY telling the undergraduates stories. We went to eat some of the goodies. HS, YW and I started walking along the road to view the night landscape. I was joking to YW that I gave the sky, the round moon, and the "stars" on the land. she then replied that we should make a pact to meet next life to see similar scenary again and she would give me the same set as gift. Haha, I quickly dragged HS along to make this pact.
Emm, I wonder what we will be when it comes to the next mid autumn festival. Hopefully we can still enjoy the moon as of yesterday.
Today, I date my hostel mates to go and view the moon again. Hopefully, the moon is rounder. :)
Emm, I wonder what we will be when it comes to the next mid autumn festival. Hopefully we can still enjoy the moon as of yesterday.
Today, I date my hostel mates to go and view the moon again. Hopefully, the moon is rounder. :)
2007年9月16日星期日
Change in Style
On Friday Evening, Ven. MS has announced to us on the change of style in managing the school. I was really quite disappointed to hear that the restrictions are softened and we have a freedom to choose whether we would like to join the morning puja, evening puja, routine duty work and also wearing the uniform. It is after Master XY has given a talk to us. I guess he must have sensed the unhappiness of many youths in the bachelor class who wish to wear more sexily and openly. Master XY really knows how to read pple's mind. I wonder if he has read my mind too since I was so near to him on that day.
I always tot this would be like the chonglin. Unfortunately, the rules are now lesser. I don't know if i can live up to my own standard given the external environment has changed. Ven MS has said it would all depend on us to impose self-restriction rules. Well, probably she is right. It is just given us a challenge earlier to face more temptations and distrubances in life which we might face later. :(
Last night, I was thinking if I have insisted to go chonglin instead of FGU, it might have been better. But well, we can't turn back time. Maybe it has been sort of arranged to take this step.
I do hope that we can all go thru' this challenge and become the lotuses out of the muddy water. Let's hope all of us can be enlightened and find what we want to find.
I always tot this would be like the chonglin. Unfortunately, the rules are now lesser. I don't know if i can live up to my own standard given the external environment has changed. Ven MS has said it would all depend on us to impose self-restriction rules. Well, probably she is right. It is just given us a challenge earlier to face more temptations and distrubances in life which we might face later. :(
Last night, I was thinking if I have insisted to go chonglin instead of FGU, it might have been better. But well, we can't turn back time. Maybe it has been sort of arranged to take this step.
I do hope that we can all go thru' this challenge and become the lotuses out of the muddy water. Let's hope all of us can be enlightened and find what we want to find.
2007年9月13日星期四
Orientation Week
Finally settled in the new premise. I have to start to write in English again since I am in an 99% Chinese speaking environment. I have to maintain my English Standard.
Time flies. It seems so yesterday that HS and I were leading the tour group around Taiwan. It was so tiring. However, we are now "enjoying" ourselves in the classroom.
Shhhh.... I am secretly typing this when the group is brainstorming. HS is also typing something. Haha... we are so inattentive.
YY is chairing the meeting. As usual, she can manage it herself without our help.
So happy that we saw Ven MK and MY last night. We had missed a few chances meeting them. Luckily, we met them eventually. Thanks shifus for visiting us. It was really like parent visit. I were nearly in tears.
Sorry that I have not organized this writing.
Btw, girls and boys, if you are coming to FGU for study, do not go for medical checkup in Singapore yet. Now, we are facing a problem that our medical report may not be accepted. What a waste of $$$ and time. And our poor HS, she may be poked again. I am worried that having 2 X-rays within 6 months may be at risk of getting cancer. :(
Weather is so hot. I wish this is winter now. Ok, time to log off.. my class monitor is near me. Luckily, my class monitor is not YY. :P
Time flies. It seems so yesterday that HS and I were leading the tour group around Taiwan. It was so tiring. However, we are now "enjoying" ourselves in the classroom.
Shhhh.... I am secretly typing this when the group is brainstorming. HS is also typing something. Haha... we are so inattentive.
YY is chairing the meeting. As usual, she can manage it herself without our help.
So happy that we saw Ven MK and MY last night. We had missed a few chances meeting them. Luckily, we met them eventually. Thanks shifus for visiting us. It was really like parent visit. I were nearly in tears.
Sorry that I have not organized this writing.
Btw, girls and boys, if you are coming to FGU for study, do not go for medical checkup in Singapore yet. Now, we are facing a problem that our medical report may not be accepted. What a waste of $$$ and time. And our poor HS, she may be poked again. I am worried that having 2 X-rays within 6 months may be at risk of getting cancer. :(
Weather is so hot. I wish this is winter now. Ok, time to log off.. my class monitor is near me. Luckily, my class monitor is not YY. :P
2007年8月30日星期四
2007年8月27日星期一
2007年7月17日星期二
Finally - The Goodwood High Tea - June 30
Today finally got the bluetooth working. Here's my high tea pics with WX, HS, and XQ. It was such a delightful evening on June 30. Emm... When shall we go again, ladies?
WX was thinking "this is even worse than reading Sutra"
XQ was just posing for my pic... so vain :P
Our Durian Feast with English Tea - A Show-off to those who miss this gathering
Whatever? Anything? It is not so easy for us.
WX was thinking "this is even worse than reading Sutra"XQ was just posing for my pic... so vain :P
HS just simply loves reading. Our Scholar!
Our Durian Feast with English Tea - A Show-off to those who miss this gathering
A Leisure Walk Around the Pool
2007年7月13日星期五
再别康桥--徐志摩
今天, 这首诗一直在我脑里徘徊，可能是要离开公司的心情吧． 好久没读了，这一首可是我在中学的时候念过的：
再别康桥--徐志摩
轻轻的我走了，
正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，
作别西天的云彩。
那河畔的金柳
是夕阳中的新娘
波光里的艳影，
在我的心头荡漾。
软泥上的青荇，
油油的在水底招摇；
在康河的柔波里，
我甘心做一条水草
那树荫下的一潭，
不是清泉，是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间，
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
寻梦？撑一支长篙，
向青草更青处漫溯，
满载一船星辉，
在星辉斑斓里放歌
但我不能放歌，
悄悄是别离的笙箫；
夏虫也为我沉默，
沉默是今晚的康桥！
悄悄的我走了，
正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，
不带走一片云彩。
再别康桥--徐志摩
轻轻的我走了，
正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，
作别西天的云彩。
那河畔的金柳
是夕阳中的新娘
波光里的艳影，
在我的心头荡漾。
软泥上的青荇，
油油的在水底招摇；
在康河的柔波里，
我甘心做一条水草
那树荫下的一潭，
不是清泉，是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间，
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
寻梦？撑一支长篙，
向青草更青处漫溯，
满载一船星辉，
在星辉斑斓里放歌
但我不能放歌，
悄悄是别离的笙箫；
夏虫也为我沉默，
沉默是今晚的康桥！
悄悄的我走了，
正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，
不带走一片云彩。
2007年7月12日星期四
你还记得"向日葵"吗?
我从小就很喜欢向日葵. 也许是因为中学外面的一家人家种了一棵在路上. 每天, 和QF会家时, 总会经过它. QF就会唱"野菊花". 虽然, 花不同, 我还是会做她的听众.
TOK也曾因为我的"假生日"送了一束给我.那时真的很感动，开心，因为长这么大，都没收过向日葵．
今年的生日礼物中, 我最喜欢的就是RC送我的向日葵的照片. 物是人非, 才不到几个月, 我和RC以似陌生人．不知道发生了什么事．可能是缘太浅了，可能是我没有处理好，也许太多＂不助缘＂导致太多误会吧．想到这个真的很可惜. 好多年前，Ｊ，ＣＷ与我的友谊也是这样．我做人真失败．：（ 如果我们真的是KARMIC ＧＲＯＵＰ．那希望来世，我们的友情会更持久，多些＂助缘＂，我也会更好地处理彼此的友情；或许我们不会再见面了，那希望大家都会快乐．
希望不会有人和我一样有这种遗憾．
今天，在网上找到了一些向日葵的照片，希望你们会喜欢．向日葵对我而言，代表给人阳光一般的笑容，给人阳光一般的希望. 让我们象它一样吧！
2007年7月10日星期二
给人希望， 给人信心
最近，同事一一与我告别．这种感觉对我来说不陌生；可是，还是有一点难过．也许是与他们在一起工作了两年，总是会有一些感情吧．回顾这些日子，过去，有时我的态度不是很好－别人错时，毫无顾忌的告诉他，有时，还用教训的语气．真是不应该我想当时的我不是要一味的教训，只是要帮助他做得更好．现在，我说话时，常先想＂我们不会是完美的；每一个人都会有缺点．你肯定自己是完美的吗？＂其实，大家都会常犯这个错误：很快看到别人犯的错，别人的缺陷，却看不到自己
＂我让别人快乐了吗? 还是会伤害了别人？＂ 我常会想这些话，希望自己会给人希望， 给人信心．一句真心赞美的话，会让别人快乐，我何必去在鸡蛋里挑骨头？
真的很感谢ＡＪＡＨＮ BRAHM 的那墙壁的故事, 让我看到自己的盲点, 看到别人的优点. 当别人说我有鼻子时,我不再难过 - 因为, 我真的有鼻子; 当别人说我有角时,我不再烦恼 - 因为, 我真的没有角.
我还在努力... ...
2007年7月6日星期五
再次下笔
终于撑到星期五了. 这个星期对我而言, 真的是忙透了. 天啊, 都要离开公司了, 为什么还要做那么多事情? :( ＪＲ让你久等了．
我好想念AL啊. 我们已经3个星期没见面吃饭, 谈心了. 昨晚, 他回来了. 我终于可以去看期待已久的电影了. 是想要电影， 还是想这位知己？：Ｐ
我想, 我去读书后, 除了想念家人, 就是想念这些好朋友.似乎无情的我, 可能还有一点感情线吧.
其实, 我很惭愧, 我有那么少时间陪伴我生命中最亲的人. 对不起. 我是不是太自私了. 读书, 去寻找我要的生活, 是对, 还是错?
哎哟, 我忽然那么伤感. 本来决定好的事, 为什么变成一种烦恼? 想太多了吧, 家人，好朋友那么支持, 是我多大的福报? 我还求什么？ 我应该很感恩了．人就是这样爱起烦恼．让我尝试在烦恼找到菩提吧．．．
烦恼即是菩提，菩提即是烦恼
2007年6月28日星期四
令我深思的六祖坛经中的三段对话
六祖坛经让我获益不浅。 我十分欣赏六祖的智慧与慈悲。其中令我影响深刻，常常深思的三段对话如下：
1. 第一行由品
祖問曰：『汝何方人？欲求何物。』
惠能對曰：『弟子是嶺南新州百姓。遠來禮師，惟求作佛，不求餘物。』
祖言：『汝是嶺南人，又是獦獠，若為堪作佛？』
惠能曰：『人雖有南北，佛性本無南北。獦獠身與和尚不同，佛性有何差別？』
五祖更欲與語，且見徒眾總在左右，乃令隨眾作務。
惠能曰：『惠能啟和尚：弟子自心常生智慧，不離自性，即是福田。未審和尚教作何務？』
祖云：『這獦獠根性大利！汝更勿言，著槽廠去！』
惠能退至後院，有一行者差惠能破柴踏碓，經八月餘。
这一段对话让我了解了以下的道理，也常想起这对话提醒，鼓励我。
· 看事物不能看表面
人常常会以貌取人，有些还歧视不同种族的人。我有时也会犯这个错误。
起初，我读这一段时，觉得五祖也是一样，以为自己智慧高就好看不起人，还说别人是獦獠，那里可以做佛。上课了之后，我了解到五祖的慈悲与智慧：他是想在试试六祖开悟到哪里。
· 众生自性本是佛性
六祖的智慧也令我佩服：只有我们人才会分别。其实，众生皆有佛性，谁都可以成佛。可是，我们能承担这个责任吗？
· 要做大事，就要学习忍耐
当六祖被令随众作务时，他展现了象我们一样的“不服”，还问有何事务可教。我觉得应该是他以为自己已由智慧了，不希望随众作务。五祖在一次展现他的慈悲与智慧：要不是他的最后一句，我想惠能大师不可能留在五祖的身边，因为很多在五祖坐下的人，当时的社会都“看不起”獦獠。如果知道獦獠被五祖欣赏，那他的命就难保了。“天降大任于斯人，必先劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，苦其心志”，所以那八个月是一个对六祖的考验。
2. 第七機緣品
僧法海，韶州曲江人也，初參祖師，問曰：「即心即佛，願垂指諭！」
師曰：「前念不生即心，後念不滅即佛；成一切相即心，離一切相即佛。吾若具說，窮劫不盡，聽吾偈曰『即心名慧，即佛乃定。定慧等持，意中清淨。悟此法門，由汝習性。用本無生，雙修是正。』」
法海言下大悟，以偈讚曰：
即心元是佛，不悟而自屈
我知定慧因，雙修離諸物
法海比丘问的“即心即佛”也是我一只想不通的问题。我也不明白什么叫“无念”。现在，我有一点了解了，尝试解说：
前念不生即心 - 是指净化自己，扫出种种虚幻的障碍，真正接纳自己；是不再生起“联想念”，却清清楚楚地明白当下的念头，那就是我的心
后念不灭即佛 - 是指肯定自己，依自己的根性因缘，好好过好实现的生活。我也不去故意不生后念，不让脑袋什么念头都没有，那我是佛了。这才是“无念”- “无念”不是什么都不去想。
一切的假相都是我们为心所造。心念起使我们成一切相。我们不去著这一切的假相， 那就是佛。
“前念不生即心，後念不滅即佛；成一切相即心，離一切相即佛”与“金刚经”的“无相”和“心无所住”是一样的吧！
佛与心是不二的，就像定和慧。佛是心之体，心乃佛之用：无体哪可用，无心体何用。定和慧，佛与心，都要均衡地修持，心就是清净，心净即国土净。
心本无生，无生为佛，一切心处，佛体常存。不生是本来的空相，不灭是妙用无尽，即心即佛者，体用一如之义也。在我们的心处，就是佛法所在，不需在心外求法。因为心外求法，无一法可得。
“即心即佛”让我时常提醒自己要双修定和慧，不要心外求法，法不在远处，就在“自性”中。
3. 第八頓漸品
有一童子，名神會，襄陽高氏子。年十三，自玉泉來參禮，
師曰：「知識遠來艱辛，還將得本來否？若有本，則合識主，試說看」
會曰：「以無住為本，見即是主。」
師曰：「這沙彌爭合取次語！」
會乃問曰：「和尚坐禪還見不見？」
師以拄杖打三下，云：「吾打汝，痛不痛？」
對曰：「亦痛亦不痛。」
師曰：「吾亦見亦不見。」
神會問：「如何是亦見亦不見？」
師云：「吾之所見，常見自心過愆，不見他人是非好惡，是以亦見亦不見。汝言亦痛亦不痛，如何？汝若不痛，同其木石；若痛，則同凡夫，即起恚恨。汝向前見不見是二邊，痛不痛是生滅。汝自性且不見，敢爾弄人。」
神會禮拜悔謝。
師又曰：「汝若心迷不見，問善知識覓路；汝若心悟，即自見性，依法修行。汝自迷不見自心，卻來問吾見與不見。吾見自知，豈代汝迷？汝若自見，亦不代吾迷。何不自知自見，乃問吾見與不見？」
神會再禮百餘拜，求謝過愆，服勤給侍，不離左右。
神会大师与六祖的对话令我印象最深刻，因为我觉得神会大师的口气和胆子真大。我想我现在也不敢与大和尚如此无理，如此胆大包天。也觉得很奇怪，为什么神会大师的「以無住為本，見即是主。」却得不到六祖的赞赏，六祖还说“这沙弥争合取次语”。
我读了几篇，终于有一些明白了：六祖问的第一句，问的是“明心见性”，神会大师当时应是听闻过六祖的说法，所以也知道六祖的基本观点－无念为宗，无相为体，无住为本，所以说“以无住为本，见性即是识得主人翁。”
其实，神会大师这么说本来是对的。可是，六祖大师应该知道神会大师是用别人的话来回答，还未见性。就像我们常常会见很多人表现自己的禅悟时多是用上先辈的话头，甚至于自己还没搞清楚是什么的时候就搬出来，来断章取义。
神会大师听到六祖说他用别人的话来回答，还不明白自己没见本心，就反问六祖静坐修禅时，还有没有所见、体会、观照在？静坐修禅还见不见本心？若静坐修禅即是入定得空，自然没有这“见”这动作在了。神会大师就是反问六祖这见得本来面目这“见”还在不在？这是一个问题陷阱。
六祖大师真得令我佩服：他也没直接回答，用柱杖打了神会三下，就问：“我打你，你是痛还是不痛？”
「亦痛亦不痛。」神会的回答是很合禅意的了。六祖的回答更是妙。见到的是自己的过失，见不到的是别人的过失。见不见既是二边法。不痛就像石头，痛就像凡夫。痛也是因缘起，因缘灭的，是暂时的。痛不痛是生灭法。
六祖慈悲，更为神会大师说法。心迷得谦虚地向善知识学习。迷时师度，悟时自度。而不是迷时，还去管别人悟了没有。各人吃饭，各人饱；冷暖自知，没有人能为代替他人解迷，代替他人开悟。与其浪费时间去问他人开悟不开悟，不如自己多加努力，去管自己的生死大事，去自知自性。我以前也常浪费时间去想别人开悟到哪里；现在，我不去多管别人的事，而是去开迷现悟，希望自己有一天会顿悟。
2007年6月26日星期二
Have you taken out all the nails?
When I was tidying up my office cubicle, I saw the post-it note on the wall. I decided to re-tell this story I once heard. Sorry that it has to be written in English due to technical difficulty.
Today, I look at the "wood" (a piece of post-it note) on my wall in my office. I only left 1 more "nail" (pins) to remove. But there are a lot of holes made. I hope those who I have hurt before, will forgive me.
|
Today, I look at the "wood" (a piece of post-it note) on my wall in my office. I only left 1 more "nail" (pins) to remove. But there are a lot of holes made. I hope those who I have hurt before, will forgive me.May I be able to remove the last pin and stop putting new ones onto the post-it note; May I only plant good seeds in my heart and not overwhelmed by anger; and lastly, may all who read or do not read this, be well and happy and never fall into this trap of anger.
2007年6月25日星期一
尝试解开生死之谜
以下是我的远距教学的末期报告, 与大家分享:
轮回与转世 轮回与转世对我而言就像是无“常我”的“再循环”的原理。如四季的春，夏，秋，冬。如自然的水的露，云，雨，海。我们就在六道“再循环”。 导致我们轮回“循环”的是自身业报 – 生了、又死；死了、又生。。。。。。不断地继续下去。一点都不能选择，由业力牵引。业报轮回是平等的。高级种姓或低级种姓都根据自己的业报轮回来受报。 而导致转世“循环”的是愿力，有了自主权 –自我选择，可以选择去哪一道去。业力再也不能控制。普通的凡人不可能“转世”，因为业报。我想声闻，缘觉都不可能转世。他们可能只能轮回。能转世的只有菩萨。他们是来度化众生。 为什么是无“常我”？“我”一直再变 - 过去那一秒的我不是这一刻的我。这一刻的我不会完全是未来的我。我的性别、身份、职业、地位会改变，众生之间的关系也会变。虽然，有缘群组很可能再一起；可是，缘起缘灭，有缘群组经过几劫也会变。 我觉得“我”经过轮回，转世也不一定是一直一体的。“看山是山，看山不是山，看山还是山，看山是海”。“我”非“我”，即是“我”。举凡电影“小活佛”里的转世活佛，转世的他不是一个人，而是三个人 －代表着“身”，“口”，“意”。 那是“报身”吗？还是“应身”？我想都是吧！ 当然，轮回也不是离我们好遥远的。每一天，我们也算是在“小轮回”- 前一刻的我已经不是这一刻的我，“我”一直在变。睡觉就像慢慢死去一样。而梦就像“中阴身”，只是我们的“意识”没有离开这身体。 |
前世与阿赖耶识 那轮回或转世的我们为什么记不起我们的前世？轮回的我们可能是因为“无明”，业报，没有禅定，没有般若智慧，才不能记不起来。转世的菩萨可能需要一些“助缘”回忆起前世。 我还有一个看法：这可能是我们“本性”自然保护我们的一个方法 – 有一些回忆,我们没有能力去接受，自己潜意识或有意地把它放进阿赖耶识的“遗忘”的“角落”。在我们还没有能力去接受，根本没有或不会去找钥匙去打开。当我们能接受发生的事时，我们就可以打开了。 阿赖耶识就像一个无尽的大仓库， 是我们的“精神体”。每一个回忆，每一个念头都储存在这里。新的记忆，种子不断的住进这里。摩那识让我们一而再地强化一些记忆，种子 － 常用的，就在一手可拿的角落；不常用的，就放在高处，远处。没有修行人管理的仓库不是整理地很好，所以找不到东西。有修行轮回的人的仓库整理地妥妥当当，来去自如，要找什么都比较容易。 禅定让我们一步一步地收拾我们的仓库；所以，禅定功夫高的人可以回忆起他的前世。而梦境是自己已经有了小小的能力去接受，刚好拿到的钥匙。打开的是小部分的记忆。 前世疗法是一个通过外人的指示，自己在仓库找需要的东西， 而不是整理整个仓库。好的催眠师只是一面鏡子。 |
催眠与“灵魂”上身 前世疗法是一种催眠。催眠也不是很惊奇的。当我们用心看一本书，一场电影时，一心只专注于哪一样东西，我们都进入这个状态。催眠的目的之一和禅坐一样，可以进入潜意识 – 仓库。在这种状态下，可以容易找到要找的钥匙，揭开心中的结。催眠不一定只能看到前世，也可能看到来世。那未来可能是自我计划出来的。因为是潜意识中计划的，可能就比较容易实现。 要进入催眠主要是放下“我执”。很多人都很怕接受催眠，也有很多很难进入那个状态。很多是因为误解了催眠是“灵魂”出翘或“灵魂”上身。在自己的仓库找东西，又不是出去找，哪里会出翘？又不是叫别人进来找，哪里会“灵魂”上身？催眠时，有可能有不属于自己的声音出现，又说出一些自己的智慧不可以想到的道理，也许是前世，中阴经历过的。我们那里可以肯定哪一个是“我”，不是“我”？ 在上课的时候，听到一位同学发表说她常有似“灵魂”上身的经验。我也曾有过一次类似的经验。那一次，我被“鬼”压身，被“定”住了，还从我嘴里发出男生的声音。那一次，我非常害怕，我想到的只有念佛号。既然不能动，就用心念佛号，它就走了。那一次的经验让我感受到他界的众生的存在，也感到“它”好可怜。我从害怕，转变成怜悯。我希望我死后，不会像“它”一样，执著而不离开那个世界。对众生慈悲，也是对自己慈悲。想想如果我往生的时候，一念不善，一念执著，我可能也会落入鬼道。 |
死亡与中阴 人死的时候，如果我执很重的话，阿赖耶识在离开时，濒死时一定很痛，很苦。如果我执较轻，我们在离开这个四大分解的报身时，就不会感到极大的痛苦。楞严经云“临命终时，未舍暖觸，一生善恶，俱时顿现。” 变成了“中阴身”可能还想着一些人，未完成的事情，就会有“死后沟通”。我记得小时候常常梦见刚过世的爸爸。在梦里，他象活着的时候一样，在回来的时候，叫着我，和我交谈。也许是太想念他，也许他还担心幼小的我和姐姐，来与我沟通。有一次仔拜他的时候，我心里默念着叫他安心地去，我不会让妈妈和姐姐担心，我会照顾自己。那天后，他不再出现在我的梦里了。希望他轮回到善道去了。既然是有缘群组，我深信我会再和爸爸见面的。 四大分解之后，第八识离体，进入中阴期，其体即是中阴身。中阴身为“意生身”如同梦中的身体一样，是自已意念由于执着一个“我”而变现出的。 所谓‘前阴已谢，后阴未至，中阴现前。’前阴已谢指此期寿命已尽，后阴未至意谓尚未投胎。就一般而言，人死后皆有中阴身。此段时间长短不等，或七日、十四日，乃至四十九日。每过一星期记忆即减半，过二星期记忆减1/4，过三星期记忆减1/8，到第七个星期之后，整个记忆几乎忘光，茫茫渺渺。因为这样，我们若投胎为人后，前世的记忆就可能全都忘记了。 但善恶的业因亦然存在，因缘一旦成熟，就随著善恶的业识投胎转世 – “业不重不生娑婆，爱不断不生净土”。 |
我的来世 我相信今生我没有可能一世就成佛，涅磐。我可能需要很多阿僧劫才能证悟。我希望在此生缘尽时, 能往生极乐世界学习，然后乘愿再来娑婆世界，度化众生。来娑婆世界时，我希望转世成男儿生在一个中东的佛化家庭。从小就送入佛光山，在十几岁的时候就出家。然后用我一生来修自生，度众，尤其是中东人，希望他们不要再有怨恨，不要在漠视生命。我不需要有神通，我只愿常持菩提心，修菩萨行，生生世世自我进步，生生世世度化众生。 |
总结 认识了轮回，尝试了解开生死的谜团，我学会了把握今生。有很多事，我也看淡了：是我的，别人那不走；不是我的，求也求不到，只得“求不得”苦。 过去世是不容易得去验证的。我常常有一些奇怪的梦，有时可以预知未来，有时梦见一些古代的情景。还有几次是几晚做连续的梦，像是连续剧一样。我很感谢金刚经。金刚经云：“一切有为法，如梦幻泡影，如露亦如电，应作如是观”。人生已经是梦一样。哪里还要去挂碍梦中梦？ 而对于前世疗法，我抱着可遇不可求得的态度。能够有机会尝试，去了解决一些生活的问题。如果没有，我也会继续通过观察自己，慢慢改掉习气。“要知前世因，今生受者是；要知未来果，今生作者是”。要改来生, 就从当下转念开始, 以念转境。 我今生的自我生命教育才刚开始，一定会深记“享服勿忘施服，受难切记教训”，在天天的小轮回中，广结善缘，把握当下，一天一天地进步。有一世,我一定会成菩萨, 乘愿再来。 |
2007年6月22日星期五
妈妈上晚课
昨天, 妈妈到佛光山去帮朋友交钱供佛像. 由于她来得早, 她便上晚课. 看到她时, 非常庆幸自己没施法器, 要不然她一定很失望, 还可能被下了一身冷汗, 觉得为什么佛光山的法器与众不同.WX老师在晚课后, 问我:"你妈妈是不是特地来看你施法器?你应该早点告诉我,我今天没有安排你上场, 她是不是很失望?". 我马上解释她来的目的, 也告诉她幸好我没上场.
我想妈妈的出现可能让很多同学感到意外. 各位同学, 我妈妈是来帮朋友交钱供佛像, 顺便看我在做什么, 为什么差不多每天都很晚回家. 然后搭我的车回家. 大卫昨晚你是可以不用害羞, 我可以送你回家的. 我妈妈也很好客, 她也知道我有送未来师回家的习惯. 现在, 大家应该了解到我为什么不去SUPPER了 - 我没什么时间陪她, 只有在晚上十点多的时间陪她看电视. 当然还有就是要减肥!
我觉得是诸佛菩萨的批佑, 我才免了"一劫". WX老师太看得起我了, 我哪好意思请人来看我出丑.呵呵!
我想诸佛菩萨应该还会继续批佑我, 让我安安稳稳地度过"大悲十小咒"那"一劫".
2007年6月21日星期四
我被TAG了.
在此回答大卫少爷的问题.呵呵... ...１.如果真的有来世，你还想要做回你自己吗？
我想我应该不会. 不知道为什么今生要做女儿身. 总觉得如果是男孩子, 会比较象人样. 还在找我自己的答案.
２.如果你手上同时有两粒红白苹果，吃了红苹果会长命不死，相反的吃了白苹果后就会马上死掉！请问你会把红苹果、白苹果给谁吃呢？
我想如果知道有毒, 我应该不会吃. 如果,非要吃, 我会给自己吃: 先吃红苹果,然后吃白苹果.因为我很贪吃. 不是啦, 我应该不会要别人死, 要选择, 我会让自己先死.
３.世道不景气，如果你的口袋就只剩下那么$1，你会如何利用它来维持一天的生活呢？（好夸张呵！）
我会用1/4买吃的(KAKA - $0.25) , $0.50 买蜡烛然后装饰一下再买更高的价钱, $0.25 去布施. 今生那么穷, 一定是前辈子太自私了.
４.有一天你和朋友出海去游玩，不幸船只撞上大礁石，即将沉没之际，你会怎么办？
和朋友先穿救生衣, 找救生船逃生.
５.如果有一天，全球网络大瘫痪，无论世界哪一个角落都无法上网，维修估计需要一年才会恢复，因此你在这一年内做些什么呢？
照常生活.没网络还是可以过得好好的. 我又不是网痴.
2007年6月15日星期五
2007年6月14日星期四
Why did I name myself Joyce?
I decided to write this in English. Well, because I don't know what Joyce is in Chinese.
Last evening, HS asked me why I am named Joyce. :) Well, because I need an English name at work for the ang-mohs and the potatoes who couldn't pronounce my Dialect name properly.
Why Joyce then?
Because I am not a happy person. I am quite a pessimistic person frankly. I saw more suffering in life than happiness. People around me especially. I hope with this name, I can remind myself to be happier and bring happiness to people around me.
That's all.
Emm, maybe I should start asking David why he is named David. David, it is your turn. Hope to see in your blog.
2007年6月13日星期三
2007年6月11日星期一
2007年6月7日星期四
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