Goodbye 2007

This is quite an eventful year for me. I have had drastic changes to my lifestyle. I think let me use the next hour to bid goodbye to this "2007" for it will never come back again.

1. Career
Giving up my career is one of the biggest thing I ever learnt to "put down". I was a career minded person. I had a good career, good future, good colleagues, and good bosses. But everytime, when times went smoothly, I didn't feel any happiness. When things were rough, I felt miserable. I always wondered why I must live such a normal life. Must I be like my friends, get married, give birth to children, complain about children, work and be stressed of some so-called society-recognised success?

I don't think i want to live my life like that. I quited.

2. Family
Being away from my mum for so far, so long is quite a challenge for me. Though my mum and I don't often tok alot, we are close at heart I know. My mum loves me most, though many times I made her angry. She is quite old now, yet, being so unfilal I have chosen to come here to study. To be so far apart, but I know she is happy for me for I have chosen a path she hoped to choose when she was young. and she would know this is the right path for me. Though we are distance away, I pray for her frequently, and thought of her whenever I do chores. I know she has suffered a lot for me, for I am a lazy daughter @ home. Sorry Mama and thanks mama for your love and concern. Your selflessness makes me small, but I will spread the love you gave to me to everyone else. I am always your sunshine, I hope to be other's too for the sun is not selfish - the sun rays spread to all.

As for my sister Kath, she has been a supportive one though she never said good things in front of me. As I am the youngest one, she adores me alot. I can't find someone like her again. We fought, we quarrelled, but we still love each other a lot. If not, she won't be letting me to come here. Sorry that I have to leave you alone to take care of mama, sister. It is tough on you esp that you are so stressed at work. Take care of your health and Mama's. I will be home soon.

Mag, my god-sister, thanks for taking care of my mum and sister. Thanks for being tolerant of my sister's temper. I know it would be hard on you. I have a bad temper too. It runs in our family. :(

As for my beloved nephew, i guess you are doing well now in your new environment. May you always be in the right path and company. May you learn the right and wrong and be filal to your parents.

3. Friends
Leaving my friends behind is quite a tough thing to do too. I love golf, I like the times I spent with AO playing golf. I love movies, threatre shows, and eating @ high-class restaurants with AL. Or just drinking our fav earl grey in a cafe. Or even eating Mac with SY, eating buffet with SY and tok, eating hawker food with RC, eating high tea with WX and XQ or going prata with David and XL. Those were memorable days. But deep in my heart, I know that's not the way i want to live. There is something more. So I leave. There are some friendships I handled well, there are some I didn't. There are friends I bidded goodbyes, yet there are many I didn't have the chances. Sorry pals for being selfish and leave Singapore without much time for you to think about, esp. CCL, Anna, HC, SM, GT. You have been such good buddies to me, but i didn't even bid goodbye to you. I don't know how to tell you, I scared I would sob so it is better to leave this way. Maybe some friends didn't even know I left. Hopefully they won't kill me when I return for holiday.

4. New Buddies
My greatest gift in 2007 is to have my new found best friend, HS. Thanks for being such a good sister. Little Moon and pal said that we are like twins. Probably physically not. But this shows that how close we have been. It must be our past destinies that within such a short time, we became the best of friends. Of cos, tongues waggled but we are like what gisy said "The Dharma Sisters". Our paths may not be the same but the goal is the same - to be Bodhisattrva. Of cos, like any relationship, we quarrelled, or threw tantrums at each other. Sorry for whatever wrong I have done. Thanks for taking good care of me. I have not been a good Buddhist, you have shown me the way.

Knowing JL, SY, YW and SF is another gift from Buddha. They are fun buddies, cute and innocent. I feel young again. I have aged so much in my career life, climbing up corporate ladder, playing in the politics and etc. I have never had so much innocent happiness before. Thanks for revitalizing my life.

Ven MD and MM have been good spiritual guidance teachers. Ven MD always pointed out my mistakes be it chanting, how I present myself etc. It helps me a lot - to be more aware of myself, to be more aware of others. Ven MM told me my vital weakness, I am still working on it. It is great to have people wiser pointing you the right path. Like Buddha has pointed Ananda the difference of being a incense paper and leaf that covers the salted fish. I have found so many incense papers. I am glad that I am within the scope of receiving the scent too.

5. Homework and Exams
I must say, these are things i hate and love. If there is no homework, I may not even read books, do research. Someone commented I have completed a lot of work. But actually, I have not. those are only for the degree. I have not completed my prostration based on Amitabha's Sutra, my promise to complete the six mantras chanting by end of the year (delayed for 3 years already) and my prostration on Diamond Sutra. What I have accomplished so far is so worldly matters. Homework, report and exams... it is just to fulfil the master degree. I don't really desire for this, I desire more on the spiritual gaining - I want to understand what the Buddha's original intent and how to help myself and others. I have not enough wisdom, not enough compassion. YW showed me that prostration is not that difficult, she demonstrated that even with her legs injured, she can still prostrate. I can do it too, though i am fat and clumsy. :)

6. Health
my health has been a see-saw. Up and down. I have not been a healthy baby since young. I am in the high risk zone of diabetes, heart diseases and etc. I have to thank to my past good fortune to be here. At least, now I am a full vegetarian and I control my diet through the nagging (I simply love nagging) of HS usually. thanks a lot, it helps to control my diet.

I cannot promise I can be slimmer in 2008. But I will be healthier. I will give up my share of hashbrown for the next 10 breakfasts for I have eaten 10 in 2 breakfasts. Now, I even only eat 2 small bowls of rice when i can really eat 4 bowls. I feel hungry though but I have to learn to take food like medicine. Enough is enough, if more, it would be becos of greed. TS has stopped nagging me. :( though i prefer her to nag as well. But well, I have to learn to control by myself. :)

Ok, that's all of my nonsensical updates of 2007. I will use the next 1/2 hour to prostrate to Buddha to repent all sentient beings' sins (including myself) in the past years. May all be happy and well from now onwards.

Happy new Year!