Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)

Today, I happened to see the following article from a website I used to go. This is nice. I thank to all those true friends I have now... :) birds of a feather tend to flock together and thanks to Buddha and our past destinies, I have the good companions to be with. Here, I really have to thank HS, SY, JL, YW and all :) You are really my true friends. May I be one to you too :) Of course, all those in singapore, You are my true friends too. I have good karma to have good friends. *vomitting while typing last sentence*

Realisation: Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)


To have a true friend, be a true friend. -stonepeace


Came across these words by psychological researcher Murray Oxman - "Sadly, it is human nature to gravitate to those people who tell you what you want to hear. However, people who tell you what you want to hear do so for a reason - they want something from you. That is not friendship - it's exploitation. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear - the truth - not what you want to hear. To put in another way, truth is really the only friend a person needs. Friends in truth are real friends." How very startlingly true! It is unfortunate that most prefer sugar-coated words of agreement and flattery over bitter-tasting words of disagreement and criticism. The first makes us complacent and egoistic, while the latter keeps us mindful and humble. Ironically, sweet words are often offered by so-called "friends", while harsh words are often offered by so-called "enemies". But who is the real friend and enemy? The truthfulness in their words is the real gauge.

While your best "friend" might turn out to be your greatest enemy, the most antagonistic "enemy" might be your best "accidental" spiritual friend, who points out your faults better than anyone else. The thoroughly deluded tend to flock together, and stay away from the wise. Yes, birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's thus important to objectively assess the company we are with. Do they make us better people, or do they reinforce our delusions, conditioning our spiritual stagnance? I have seen friendships break up when friends reckon each other as enemies - when they disagree on criticism of each other. I can't criticise how true the criticism exchange is. But what I do know is that criticism, even if given in a harsh tone, can still be constructive in essence. Just as the wise are able to discern between the pleasing quality of words and their quality of truthfulness, the unwise are often distracted by patronising tones, missing their untruthfulness.

It is often tempting to tell others what they want to hear, just as it is tempting to hear what we prefer. But the real way to be a true friend is to be truthful, even if the truth has to be administered sensitively with skill. Likewise, the real way to attract true friends is to pay attention to the truth spoken by others. Let's be realistic though. Be it friend or foe, it is difficult to find one who is truthful or untruthful all of the time. Being imperfect, even the best of spiritual friends might accidentally share non-truths as truths. Unwittingly, the duo might be shared in mixed proportions. Thus, to believe in a particular friend to always be truthful without fail also leads to spiritual stagnance. The onus is then on us to be spiritually objective. Even if your best spiritual teacher hands you the ultimate Truth on a silver platter, you would still need to taste it to personally verify its authenticity. A good spiritual friend would not ask you to believe him or her blindly - because truth is not for mere agreement with; but for realisation of. So, who are your true friends? And are you a true friend to anyone? -Shen Shi'an