This is quite an eventful year for me. I have had drastic changes to my lifestyle. I think let me use the next hour to bid goodbye to this "2007" for it will never come back again.
1. Career
Giving up my career is one of the biggest thing I ever learnt to "put down". I was a career minded person. I had a good career, good future, good colleagues, and good bosses. But everytime, when times went smoothly, I didn't feel any happiness. When things were rough, I felt miserable. I always wondered why I must live such a normal life. Must I be like my friends, get married, give birth to children, complain about children, work and be stressed of some so-called society-recognised success?
I don't think i want to live my life like that. I quited.
2. Family
Being away from my mum for so far, so long is quite a challenge for me. Though my mum and I don't often tok alot, we are close at heart I know. My mum loves me most, though many times I made her angry. She is quite old now, yet, being so unfilal I have chosen to come here to study. To be so far apart, but I know she is happy for me for I have chosen a path she hoped to choose when she was young. and she would know this is the right path for me. Though we are distance away, I pray for her frequently, and thought of her whenever I do chores. I know she has suffered a lot for me, for I am a lazy daughter @ home. Sorry Mama and thanks mama for your love and concern. Your selflessness makes me small, but I will spread the love you gave to me to everyone else. I am always your sunshine, I hope to be other's too for the sun is not selfish - the sun rays spread to all.
As for my sister Kath, she has been a supportive one though she never said good things in front of me. As I am the youngest one, she adores me alot. I can't find someone like her again. We fought, we quarrelled, but we still love each other a lot. If not, she won't be letting me to come here. Sorry that I have to leave you alone to take care of mama, sister. It is tough on you esp that you are so stressed at work. Take care of your health and Mama's. I will be home soon.
Mag, my god-sister, thanks for taking care of my mum and sister. Thanks for being tolerant of my sister's temper. I know it would be hard on you. I have a bad temper too. It runs in our family. :(
As for my beloved nephew, i guess you are doing well now in your new environment. May you always be in the right path and company. May you learn the right and wrong and be filal to your parents.
3. Friends
Leaving my friends behind is quite a tough thing to do too. I love golf, I like the times I spent with AO playing golf. I love movies, threatre shows, and eating @ high-class restaurants with AL. Or just drinking our fav earl grey in a cafe. Or even eating Mac with SY, eating buffet with SY and tok, eating hawker food with RC, eating high tea with WX and XQ or going prata with David and XL. Those were memorable days. But deep in my heart, I know that's not the way i want to live. There is something more. So I leave. There are some friendships I handled well, there are some I didn't. There are friends I bidded goodbyes, yet there are many I didn't have the chances. Sorry pals for being selfish and leave Singapore without much time for you to think about, esp. CCL, Anna, HC, SM, GT. You have been such good buddies to me, but i didn't even bid goodbye to you. I don't know how to tell you, I scared I would sob so it is better to leave this way. Maybe some friends didn't even know I left. Hopefully they won't kill me when I return for holiday.
4. New Buddies
My greatest gift in 2007 is to have my new found best friend, HS. Thanks for being such a good sister. Little Moon and pal said that we are like twins. Probably physically not. But this shows that how close we have been. It must be our past destinies that within such a short time, we became the best of friends. Of cos, tongues waggled but we are like what gisy said "The Dharma Sisters". Our paths may not be the same but the goal is the same - to be Bodhisattrva. Of cos, like any relationship, we quarrelled, or threw tantrums at each other. Sorry for whatever wrong I have done. Thanks for taking good care of me. I have not been a good Buddhist, you have shown me the way.
Knowing JL, SY, YW and SF is another gift from Buddha. They are fun buddies, cute and innocent. I feel young again. I have aged so much in my career life, climbing up corporate ladder, playing in the politics and etc. I have never had so much innocent happiness before. Thanks for revitalizing my life.
Ven MD and MM have been good spiritual guidance teachers. Ven MD always pointed out my mistakes be it chanting, how I present myself etc. It helps me a lot - to be more aware of myself, to be more aware of others. Ven MM told me my vital weakness, I am still working on it. It is great to have people wiser pointing you the right path. Like Buddha has pointed Ananda the difference of being a incense paper and leaf that covers the salted fish. I have found so many incense papers. I am glad that I am within the scope of receiving the scent too.
5. Homework and Exams
I must say, these are things i hate and love. If there is no homework, I may not even read books, do research. Someone commented I have completed a lot of work. But actually, I have not. those are only for the degree. I have not completed my prostration based on Amitabha's Sutra, my promise to complete the six mantras chanting by end of the year (delayed for 3 years already) and my prostration on Diamond Sutra. What I have accomplished so far is so worldly matters. Homework, report and exams... it is just to fulfil the master degree. I don't really desire for this, I desire more on the spiritual gaining - I want to understand what the Buddha's original intent and how to help myself and others. I have not enough wisdom, not enough compassion. YW showed me that prostration is not that difficult, she demonstrated that even with her legs injured, she can still prostrate. I can do it too, though i am fat and clumsy. :)
6. Health
my health has been a see-saw. Up and down. I have not been a healthy baby since young. I am in the high risk zone of diabetes, heart diseases and etc. I have to thank to my past good fortune to be here. At least, now I am a full vegetarian and I control my diet through the nagging (I simply love nagging) of HS usually. thanks a lot, it helps to control my diet.
I cannot promise I can be slimmer in 2008. But I will be healthier. I will give up my share of hashbrown for the next 10 breakfasts for I have eaten 10 in 2 breakfasts. Now, I even only eat 2 small bowls of rice when i can really eat 4 bowls. I feel hungry though but I have to learn to take food like medicine. Enough is enough, if more, it would be becos of greed. TS has stopped nagging me. :( though i prefer her to nag as well. But well, I have to learn to control by myself. :)
Ok, that's all of my nonsensical updates of 2007. I will use the next 1/2 hour to prostrate to Buddha to repent all sentient beings' sins (including myself) in the past years. May all be happy and well from now onwards.
Happy new Year!
2007年12月31日星期一
Last day of the year
well, today hs and i went to see the doc in such a cold weather. it was a fun day. We met a ven (i think sent by buddha to us or sent us to her). After a friendly amitabha by us, she tok to us while walking along the road. She seemed interested with our school, our dept. HS and I started to talk like promoters... she was convinced that she even leave us her address to mail the things to her.
We were so happy. We still have time to buy gifts for our students. :) We got an elmo paper bag for free. :D HS gave to me. So nice of this sister. :) I simply love elmo - cos' it is red.
When we returned to school, we got good news from Dr. Yao that her essays are reduced to 500 each. Can see happiness in HS's and JL's eyes. So happy for them though i have completed my 3000+ essay each. :) It is ok, i take it as a learning process, given the fact that I rewrote them too.
The evening ended with Prof DharmaJoti's lesson. He is such a funny monk. :) I like him... like a father. Dr Yao asked us if we have resolution next year. I have but i dunno if it is going to be fulfilled. But i do hope all others would have their wishes fulfilled.
It is such a cold day. I hope tomorrow will be warmer. WE are so lucky to be @ home, but what about the homeless beings? They must be freezing now. It is not a good way to spend the new year. Hopefully tomorrow would be warmer. :)
We were so happy. We still have time to buy gifts for our students. :) We got an elmo paper bag for free. :D HS gave to me. So nice of this sister. :) I simply love elmo - cos' it is red.
When we returned to school, we got good news from Dr. Yao that her essays are reduced to 500 each. Can see happiness in HS's and JL's eyes. So happy for them though i have completed my 3000+ essay each. :) It is ok, i take it as a learning process, given the fact that I rewrote them too.
The evening ended with Prof DharmaJoti's lesson. He is such a funny monk. :) I like him... like a father. Dr Yao asked us if we have resolution next year. I have but i dunno if it is going to be fulfilled. But i do hope all others would have their wishes fulfilled.
It is such a cold day. I hope tomorrow will be warmer. WE are so lucky to be @ home, but what about the homeless beings? They must be freezing now. It is not a good way to spend the new year. Hopefully tomorrow would be warmer. :)
2007年12月30日星期日
Tea time with Ven Prof Dharmajoti
it was a cold morning. We went to the school to have some high tea with Ven Prof Dharmajoti. DJ decorated the table with JL's help. HS and I washed the glasses and brewed the tea. The session was almost like a picnic session when all of us started to munch on the food while Prof started talking. I think he ate the least.
I ate quite a lot of cheezy biscuits; SY drank a lot of tea; JL - dunno what she was doing (blocked by HS); HS also munched quite a lot. Our quiet YW ate the least I think. She was busy writing down what prof said. but i dun understand her notes. :( Cannot even copy from her.
SF also drank quite a lot of tea, also ven MD. As for ven MJ, she was forever the one asking a lot of questions. as for our cutie of singapore, YY was quite helpful, helping to serve tea. But notti her, refused to pass the teapot to me when it was empty. I need to do the refill as I knew which teabags can be reused, which cannot (we mixed the teabags together). So i raised my voice to ask her to pass me the pot. she is forever that kiddy one. sorry if i have scared you, YY but I cannot tell you in public that the teabags' story. DJ had fun playing with the professional camera brought by TS. As for ven MZ, she is the quietest venerable.
It was quite a fun morning. But cold, I heard from pple it is going to drop to 7 degree celcius this week. I think most of us went to take a nap at this time. :( As for me, I have no such blessing. For those who know me well, you know why: if i sleep in afternoon, the consequence is terrible - severe migraine attacks, cannot sleep at nite. I can only envy HS whenever she goes to take a nap.
Well, it is ok. I still had a good short chat with YW and also some buddies online. Another pal is coming to taipei. Emm, hopefully can meet him up. I like an excuse to go taipei again.
I ate quite a lot of cheezy biscuits; SY drank a lot of tea; JL - dunno what she was doing (blocked by HS); HS also munched quite a lot. Our quiet YW ate the least I think. She was busy writing down what prof said. but i dun understand her notes. :( Cannot even copy from her.
SF also drank quite a lot of tea, also ven MD. As for ven MJ, she was forever the one asking a lot of questions. as for our cutie of singapore, YY was quite helpful, helping to serve tea. But notti her, refused to pass the teapot to me when it was empty. I need to do the refill as I knew which teabags can be reused, which cannot (we mixed the teabags together). So i raised my voice to ask her to pass me the pot. she is forever that kiddy one. sorry if i have scared you, YY but I cannot tell you in public that the teabags' story. DJ had fun playing with the professional camera brought by TS. As for ven MZ, she is the quietest venerable.
It was quite a fun morning. But cold, I heard from pple it is going to drop to 7 degree celcius this week. I think most of us went to take a nap at this time. :( As for me, I have no such blessing. For those who know me well, you know why: if i sleep in afternoon, the consequence is terrible - severe migraine attacks, cannot sleep at nite. I can only envy HS whenever she goes to take a nap.
Well, it is ok. I still had a good short chat with YW and also some buddies online. Another pal is coming to taipei. Emm, hopefully can meet him up. I like an excuse to go taipei again.
2007年12月29日星期六
Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
Today, I happened to see the following article from a website I used to go. This is nice. I thank to all those true friends I have now... :) birds of a feather tend to flock together and thanks to Buddha and our past destinies, I have the good companions to be with. Here, I really have to thank HS, SY, JL, YW and all :) You are really my true friends. May I be one to you too :) Of course, all those in singapore, You are my true friends too. I have good karma to have good friends. *vomitting while typing last sentence*
Realisation: Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
To have a true friend, be a true friend. -stonepeace
Came across these words by psychological researcher Murray Oxman - "Sadly, it is human nature to gravitate to those people who tell you what you want to hear. However, people who tell you what you want to hear do so for a reason - they want something from you. That is not friendship - it's exploitation. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear - the truth - not what you want to hear. To put in another way, truth is really the only friend a person needs. Friends in truth are real friends." How very startlingly true! It is unfortunate that most prefer sugar-coated words of agreement and flattery over bitter-tasting words of disagreement and criticism. The first makes us complacent and egoistic, while the latter keeps us mindful and humble. Ironically, sweet words are often offered by so-called "friends", while harsh words are often offered by so-called "enemies". But who is the real friend and enemy? The truthfulness in their words is the real gauge.
While your best "friend" might turn out to be your greatest enemy, the most antagonistic "enemy" might be your best "accidental" spiritual friend, who points out your faults better than anyone else. The thoroughly deluded tend to flock together, and stay away from the wise. Yes, birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's thus important to objectively assess the company we are with. Do they make us better people, or do they reinforce our delusions, conditioning our spiritual stagnance? I have seen friendships break up when friends reckon each other as enemies - when they disagree on criticism of each other. I can't criticise how true the criticism exchange is. But what I do know is that criticism, even if given in a harsh tone, can still be constructive in essence. Just as the wise are able to discern between the pleasing quality of words and their quality of truthfulness, the unwise are often distracted by patronising tones, missing their untruthfulness.
It is often tempting to tell others what they want to hear, just as it is tempting to hear what we prefer. But the real way to be a true friend is to be truthful, even if the truth has to be administered sensitively with skill. Likewise, the real way to attract true friends is to pay attention to the truth spoken by others. Let's be realistic though. Be it friend or foe, it is difficult to find one who is truthful or untruthful all of the time. Being imperfect, even the best of spiritual friends might accidentally share non-truths as truths. Unwittingly, the duo might be shared in mixed proportions. Thus, to believe in a particular friend to always be truthful without fail also leads to spiritual stagnance. The onus is then on us to be spiritually objective. Even if your best spiritual teacher hands you the ultimate Truth on a silver platter, you would still need to taste it to personally verify its authenticity. A good spiritual friend would not ask you to believe him or her blindly - because truth is not for mere agreement with; but for realisation of. So, who are your true friends? And are you a true friend to anyone? -Shen Shi'an
Realisation: Do You Have True Friends? (Are You a True Friend?)
To have a true friend, be a true friend. -stonepeace
Came across these words by psychological researcher Murray Oxman - "Sadly, it is human nature to gravitate to those people who tell you what you want to hear. However, people who tell you what you want to hear do so for a reason - they want something from you. That is not friendship - it's exploitation. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear - the truth - not what you want to hear. To put in another way, truth is really the only friend a person needs. Friends in truth are real friends." How very startlingly true! It is unfortunate that most prefer sugar-coated words of agreement and flattery over bitter-tasting words of disagreement and criticism. The first makes us complacent and egoistic, while the latter keeps us mindful and humble. Ironically, sweet words are often offered by so-called "friends", while harsh words are often offered by so-called "enemies". But who is the real friend and enemy? The truthfulness in their words is the real gauge.
While your best "friend" might turn out to be your greatest enemy, the most antagonistic "enemy" might be your best "accidental" spiritual friend, who points out your faults better than anyone else. The thoroughly deluded tend to flock together, and stay away from the wise. Yes, birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's thus important to objectively assess the company we are with. Do they make us better people, or do they reinforce our delusions, conditioning our spiritual stagnance? I have seen friendships break up when friends reckon each other as enemies - when they disagree on criticism of each other. I can't criticise how true the criticism exchange is. But what I do know is that criticism, even if given in a harsh tone, can still be constructive in essence. Just as the wise are able to discern between the pleasing quality of words and their quality of truthfulness, the unwise are often distracted by patronising tones, missing their untruthfulness.
It is often tempting to tell others what they want to hear, just as it is tempting to hear what we prefer. But the real way to be a true friend is to be truthful, even if the truth has to be administered sensitively with skill. Likewise, the real way to attract true friends is to pay attention to the truth spoken by others. Let's be realistic though. Be it friend or foe, it is difficult to find one who is truthful or untruthful all of the time. Being imperfect, even the best of spiritual friends might accidentally share non-truths as truths. Unwittingly, the duo might be shared in mixed proportions. Thus, to believe in a particular friend to always be truthful without fail also leads to spiritual stagnance. The onus is then on us to be spiritually objective. Even if your best spiritual teacher hands you the ultimate Truth on a silver platter, you would still need to taste it to personally verify its authenticity. A good spiritual friend would not ask you to believe him or her blindly - because truth is not for mere agreement with; but for realisation of. So, who are your true friends? And are you a true friend to anyone? -Shen Shi'an
A nice walk with SY
Last nite, SY and I decided to go on a walking meditation after the dinner. It was quite an impromptus that we also included the practice of the chanting after it. The night was so cool and we met ven. RY on the way. Then I have to tell ven RY on the condition of ven FG's room which is so dirty like a rubbish bin. Imagine the cleaner has not been cleaning for 2 weeks. EEK... Ven FG is so cool, he is not really concerned on his living conditions. He even commented that he is leaving soon, so it is ok. But well, this would dampen FGU's image. Emm... hopefully the cleaners start to clean right now.
It was our blessing to have ven. ry2 (this is ven. ru yuan - very cute looking ven) to teach us how to imagine when chanting. Cool, she got a strong voice. SY, myself and others who joined in impromptus were so grateful to her. It was quite fun though everything happened in such coincidence. I think we gained quite a lot in this short walk.
The unfortunate news we received from ven ry that we have to sing the 7 tunes... till the end. :( time to brush up. Ven MZ we all depend on you. haha. :P
It was our blessing to have ven. ry2 (this is ven. ru yuan - very cute looking ven) to teach us how to imagine when chanting. Cool, she got a strong voice. SY, myself and others who joined in impromptus were so grateful to her. It was quite fun though everything happened in such coincidence. I think we gained quite a lot in this short walk.
The unfortunate news we received from ven ry that we have to sing the 7 tunes... till the end. :( time to brush up. Ven MZ we all depend on you. haha. :P
2007年12月28日星期五
Rebirth
rebirth. that's what happened to my laptop a few days ago. It was a drastic experience for me. My whole computer crashed. I guess it is becos' of all those "beloved" viruses I got from various sources. To test the manual removal (thorough cleaning), I accidentally deleted a system file. Then the laptop can't boot. With no clear thoughts, I used the manufacturer's recovery cd (not windows recovery) and foolishly I click "yes" twice to "recover" to the manufacturing stage.
Sigh, big mistake. My two completed reports and many of the recent photos are gone. :( No recovery tool can help after this stupid mistake as it departitioned, partitioned and put the laptop to new born stage. I was so pissed of myself. When HS came in, she saw that I was not very happy and I broke down to tell her my stupid mistake. She consoled me and told me not to think so much. I am glad she was there when I need someone to complain about my stupid act. Well, not many knew my laptop has reincarnated. Some tot I was ill on monday. I tried to behave properly but it hurts.. for the fact that the mistake is made very own by myself. And worse still, there are some data that the teacher shared with us and I have not copied to the shared PC.
during the attempts to recover, my thoughts wandered. I tot, this is like our own rebirth. So much so that we might not want to be reborn even though initially we made the mistake of wanting to reborn, but it was too late. We went through the life once again and relearn what we learnt before in our past lifes. Restart again .... So sicko :( Of course, the relearning is never going to be the same as what we learnt in past lifes. Just like the reports I have redone. Quality? It would depend on us whether we want our lives to be better or worse.
Now, back on track to take care of my this little bf (according to HS, this is my precious BF). I hope this will not happen to anyone else again.
Sigh, big mistake. My two completed reports and many of the recent photos are gone. :( No recovery tool can help after this stupid mistake as it departitioned, partitioned and put the laptop to new born stage. I was so pissed of myself. When HS came in, she saw that I was not very happy and I broke down to tell her my stupid mistake. She consoled me and told me not to think so much. I am glad she was there when I need someone to complain about my stupid act. Well, not many knew my laptop has reincarnated. Some tot I was ill on monday. I tried to behave properly but it hurts.. for the fact that the mistake is made very own by myself. And worse still, there are some data that the teacher shared with us and I have not copied to the shared PC.
during the attempts to recover, my thoughts wandered. I tot, this is like our own rebirth. So much so that we might not want to be reborn even though initially we made the mistake of wanting to reborn, but it was too late. We went through the life once again and relearn what we learnt before in our past lifes. Restart again .... So sicko :( Of course, the relearning is never going to be the same as what we learnt in past lifes. Just like the reports I have redone. Quality? It would depend on us whether we want our lives to be better or worse.
Now, back on track to take care of my this little bf (according to HS, this is my precious BF). I hope this will not happen to anyone else again.
2007年12月23日星期日
Nanhua University Trip
We went Nanhua University last fri and got back late yesterday. The trip is very fruitful. I guess all of us gained something or another back from the scholars' presentations.
Yes, HS and I called up Ven. Miaomu to thank her for the parcel she sent. We were so glad to hear her voice and Ven Manke's too. It's a pity that we can't talk to them long. But nevertheless, it was quite special to call them on friday night since sat is the "dong zhi". Just a funny episode: SY was with us, she was enjoying her ice cream and HS and I were walking aimlessly while talking to ven MiaoMu and ven Manke. In the end, HS led us to a big car park. Then I led us to the exit route down hill. We got lost. In the end, we have to ask some students to get back to where we stay. Kekeke.. Lesson learnt: Don't walk when you are talking. :P
It was quite enjoyable though - to get lost. SY was so cute. She is our younger sister. HS and I love her a lot. That night, YS bought the supposedly most delicious smelly tofu to us. She had to return the bike somewhere so we waited for her. We waited, SF and her didn't appear. then we moved out to wait. We waited, venerables appeared but not them. When they finally appeared, we were very relieved but by then, we finished our share of smelly tofu. kekekeke
Our trip back to FGU is not quiet. TS was asking our classmates to share what we have learnt from this trip (she is the "tour organizer" sort). I was not feeling well once again due to my motion sickness. Couldn't sleep in the bus, :( couldn't watch cartoon. But it is still ok to hear the classmates talk about their feelings. Quite enjoyable. But i prefer cartoons :P
Must really thanks HS and SY who have taken care of me in the bus while I was in the motion sickness mode during the to and fro trip. Thank you, sisters! And thanks to YW for giving me the rice juice drink , though i didn't get to drink the cup (due to motion sickness, JL has offered to YW that she will drink it)<- btw, I was thinking to drink half of it, but when JL told me she drank up all for me, I was heartbroken. But i still have to thank her. :( YW, pls buy me rice juice when I am not taking bus, ok? HEEHEE.
Yes, HS and I called up Ven. Miaomu to thank her for the parcel she sent. We were so glad to hear her voice and Ven Manke's too. It's a pity that we can't talk to them long. But nevertheless, it was quite special to call them on friday night since sat is the "dong zhi". Just a funny episode: SY was with us, she was enjoying her ice cream and HS and I were walking aimlessly while talking to ven MiaoMu and ven Manke. In the end, HS led us to a big car park. Then I led us to the exit route down hill. We got lost. In the end, we have to ask some students to get back to where we stay. Kekeke.. Lesson learnt: Don't walk when you are talking. :P
It was quite enjoyable though - to get lost. SY was so cute. She is our younger sister. HS and I love her a lot. That night, YS bought the supposedly most delicious smelly tofu to us. She had to return the bike somewhere so we waited for her. We waited, SF and her didn't appear. then we moved out to wait. We waited, venerables appeared but not them. When they finally appeared, we were very relieved but by then, we finished our share of smelly tofu. kekekeke
Our trip back to FGU is not quiet. TS was asking our classmates to share what we have learnt from this trip (she is the "tour organizer" sort). I was not feeling well once again due to my motion sickness. Couldn't sleep in the bus, :( couldn't watch cartoon. But it is still ok to hear the classmates talk about their feelings. Quite enjoyable. But i prefer cartoons :P
Must really thanks HS and SY who have taken care of me in the bus while I was in the motion sickness mode during the to and fro trip. Thank you, sisters! And thanks to YW for giving me the rice juice drink , though i didn't get to drink the cup (due to motion sickness, JL has offered to YW that she will drink it)<- btw, I was thinking to drink half of it, but when JL told me she drank up all for me, I was heartbroken. But i still have to thank her. :( YW, pls buy me rice juice when I am not taking bus, ok? HEEHEE.
2007年12月20日星期四
:(
yes, i am blogging during my english counselling session. the kids are having examinations so I am waiting for them to complete the papers.
today is not a good day for me. first, XH broke down during the morning class. I was quite worried for her as she doesn't seem to be happy these few days. The last I spoke to her was last sunday night when we happily tok about our different groups in FGS. She seemed stressed today. I don't know how to help her. :( luckily ven mj is with her, probably tok to her and she began to speak to us again during the late afternoon lesson. But before the lesson, she rushed off. I hope she would be there when i return to my hostel. if not, hope she will come back after weekend.
Next, is the trip to the hostel to buy some snacks before going to the library. nearly fell off the long stair case. I think my leg is injured once again. Sigh. :( And i didn't get to eat the snacks i bought for I left it in the library, time was running out so i went off for this lesson. Hope HS had enjoyed the snacks but well, probably she doesn't love chocolate as I do, but what to do? there is only chocolate left from the stall. the butter wa spoilt and the boss threw it away when he saw me staring at the brown brown thing. On the trip to the classroom, once again, i nearly tripped over climbing up the stairs. Am i a humpty dumpty? maybe i need to eat more calcium and vit D. hahaha.
The worst thing is, not all the kids arrived to do the exam. Esp the girl who greeted me this noon. She said "see you tonight", but she never appeared. I think they are afriad of the exams thus, they didn't appear. But sad to tell them, when we enjoy christmas party next week, they have to do the exams. Hahahaha... am i being evil? :P Actually, the exams are to help them to know the words from the text so that they can be more familiar during the real exam and I am not here to pull down their marks. if they cannot score, i will give them other means to bring up this mark. Sigh, HS and I were so disheartened everytime we go for these remedial lessons. If they choose not to help themselves, how to help them? Suddenly, tot of the "yi jiao jing"'s words said by the Buddha: I am like a doctor, I diagnosed and prescibed the medicine for the sick, if the sick chooses not to eat, it is not the doctor's fault.
As a "bodhisattrva", i will continue trying to help them, esp those who wish to learn. Hopefully, they will get good results in the final term and most importantly, love english.
today is not a good day for me. first, XH broke down during the morning class. I was quite worried for her as she doesn't seem to be happy these few days. The last I spoke to her was last sunday night when we happily tok about our different groups in FGS. She seemed stressed today. I don't know how to help her. :( luckily ven mj is with her, probably tok to her and she began to speak to us again during the late afternoon lesson. But before the lesson, she rushed off. I hope she would be there when i return to my hostel. if not, hope she will come back after weekend.
Next, is the trip to the hostel to buy some snacks before going to the library. nearly fell off the long stair case. I think my leg is injured once again. Sigh. :( And i didn't get to eat the snacks i bought for I left it in the library, time was running out so i went off for this lesson. Hope HS had enjoyed the snacks but well, probably she doesn't love chocolate as I do, but what to do? there is only chocolate left from the stall. the butter wa spoilt and the boss threw it away when he saw me staring at the brown brown thing. On the trip to the classroom, once again, i nearly tripped over climbing up the stairs. Am i a humpty dumpty? maybe i need to eat more calcium and vit D. hahaha.
The worst thing is, not all the kids arrived to do the exam. Esp the girl who greeted me this noon. She said "see you tonight", but she never appeared. I think they are afriad of the exams thus, they didn't appear. But sad to tell them, when we enjoy christmas party next week, they have to do the exams. Hahahaha... am i being evil? :P Actually, the exams are to help them to know the words from the text so that they can be more familiar during the real exam and I am not here to pull down their marks. if they cannot score, i will give them other means to bring up this mark. Sigh, HS and I were so disheartened everytime we go for these remedial lessons. If they choose not to help themselves, how to help them? Suddenly, tot of the "yi jiao jing"'s words said by the Buddha: I am like a doctor, I diagnosed and prescibed the medicine for the sick, if the sick chooses not to eat, it is not the doctor's fault.
As a "bodhisattrva", i will continue trying to help them, esp those who wish to learn. Hopefully, they will get good results in the final term and most importantly, love english.
2007年12月17日星期一
饺子恐惧症
today, i have the above mentioned illness. TS and YW asked HS and me to go to help up in the jiaozi making. All of us are tasked to to 1600+ jiaozi. We started from 1 plus and ended around 430 p.m. Boy, me and SY were nearly on the verge of vomiting after the whole event.
Wow.... when i saw the jiaozi during dinner today, I nearly fainted due to my illness. Imagine each of us is allocated with 20 jiaozi-s. I only finished 16. Now I see the point why HS made hers so small. I was laffing at her for being stingy. Mine are gigantic jiaozi. To finish 20, I think I would prefer HS's ones too.
Ven MD and I had a small "argument" over who made the jiaozi which I have selected. She claimed it was her, for it looked normal and the size was normal. I tot it was me becos' i made some of her patterns too. Anyway, it is already in my stomach, who cares? :P
It was a good afternoon to make jiaozis with the aunties and our classmates. But, please don't have it too often. I have to cure my phobia first.
Wow.... when i saw the jiaozi during dinner today, I nearly fainted due to my illness. Imagine each of us is allocated with 20 jiaozi-s. I only finished 16. Now I see the point why HS made hers so small. I was laffing at her for being stingy. Mine are gigantic jiaozi. To finish 20, I think I would prefer HS's ones too.
Ven MD and I had a small "argument" over who made the jiaozi which I have selected. She claimed it was her, for it looked normal and the size was normal. I tot it was me becos' i made some of her patterns too. Anyway, it is already in my stomach, who cares? :P
It was a good afternoon to make jiaozis with the aunties and our classmates. But, please don't have it too often. I have to cure my phobia first.
朝山
是的。我终于做到了。昨日，我成功地朝山了。真得很开心。等了那么久的时间。
还记得在短期出家的时候，又希望能朝山， 又怕自己做不到， 而不想朝山。 那一次，台风天-朝山取消。
过了一年，我来祝寿， 又可能有机会朝山。 我的心情如同当初，可能是佛菩萨知道我还没准备好，朝山因为大众星期六太累了，朝山取消。
昨日，我带着“随它去“的心情朝山了。 还好，朝山对我而言，还可以。只是在跪楼梯时，膝盖真的好痛，却也忍了下来。在过程中，我开始是求自己的心愿能够达成，到了在麻竹园的菩提二路时，我开始求大众的心愿都能达成。 在上楼梯时，我已变成希望众生都能心想事成， 众生都能离苦得乐。我察觉我的心念改变时，我很开心，因为，我不再那么自私， 那么自我。。。
我想，世界上最快乐的事，就是能学佛。我这一生才没白活。
觉培法师问我们“如果，你只能活三天，你会用这三天做什么？“ 我已有我的答案。你呢？想想看吧
还记得在短期出家的时候，又希望能朝山， 又怕自己做不到， 而不想朝山。 那一次，台风天-朝山取消。
过了一年，我来祝寿， 又可能有机会朝山。 我的心情如同当初，可能是佛菩萨知道我还没准备好，朝山因为大众星期六太累了，朝山取消。
昨日，我带着“随它去“的心情朝山了。 还好，朝山对我而言，还可以。只是在跪楼梯时，膝盖真的好痛，却也忍了下来。在过程中，我开始是求自己的心愿能够达成，到了在麻竹园的菩提二路时，我开始求大众的心愿都能达成。 在上楼梯时，我已变成希望众生都能心想事成， 众生都能离苦得乐。我察觉我的心念改变时，我很开心，因为，我不再那么自私， 那么自我。。。
我想，世界上最快乐的事，就是能学佛。我这一生才没白活。
觉培法师问我们“如果，你只能活三天，你会用这三天做什么？“ 我已有我的答案。你呢？想想看吧
2007年12月13日星期四
Cleaning the XiangDeng Area
Very glad that I have finally finished cleaning up the XiangDeng Area - my duties were to clean up and tidy up the sutras in the shelf and cupboard. I have started cleaning it with GM last friday. But we didn't complete. Thus, this week, I signed up for xiangdeng duties again to complete the unfinished tasks.
So glad that the team this week is all from our class. The 3 special ones who received "bowls" from me and of course, our long-service XiangDeng SF. A pity that YW was not in the team. Probably if there is another opportunity, may 5 of us who shared the special gifts can be xiangdeng or do other duties together.
I have volunteered to help HS in cleaning up the buddha statue. So excited. This is my first time other than cleaning the small ones in my room in Singapore. Hopefully I would be a help rather than a burden.
My "Da-Ban" is getting better each day. Today, I finally have overcome the pseudo-silent beat. Senior KP didn't comment any mistakes on my Da-Ban. Kekekeke. She has been a good teacher watching us from far and commenting only when she found the things we did were unwholesome. She also doesn't anyhow comment on people. She watched the right timing and the people she comments. She teaches me a lot of things during my duties as a computer room attendant.
So glad that the team this week is all from our class. The 3 special ones who received "bowls" from me and of course, our long-service XiangDeng SF. A pity that YW was not in the team. Probably if there is another opportunity, may 5 of us who shared the special gifts can be xiangdeng or do other duties together.
I have volunteered to help HS in cleaning up the buddha statue. So excited. This is my first time other than cleaning the small ones in my room in Singapore. Hopefully I would be a help rather than a burden.
My "Da-Ban" is getting better each day. Today, I finally have overcome the pseudo-silent beat. Senior KP didn't comment any mistakes on my Da-Ban. Kekekeke. She has been a good teacher watching us from far and commenting only when she found the things we did were unwholesome. She also doesn't anyhow comment on people. She watched the right timing and the people she comments. She teaches me a lot of things during my duties as a computer room attendant.
2007年12月12日星期三
Ven MM's Departure
Yesterday early afternoon, ven mm has left this place. She went to FGS first before returning to China. :( So sad. She left without bidding goodbye to us yesterday. She has really left an impact in my life, building up my determination to be someone like her, donating her whole self to the sentient beings, be committed in all the duties she does and be hardworking in learning Buddhism.
I am glad that YW and I had a good heart-to-heart talk with her on the night before she left though we only ended our chat around 12 midnight. She gave us a short analysis of our characteristics too. This would help us in changing ourselves for the better. Of course, the more important thing is, she has pointed the way, we must walk the path ourselves. Ven MM is like guanyin, compassionate and wise. She is so caring, I would miss her a lot. I know that, cos' I have started to miss her presence.
Hopefully, she would return soon. And when she returns, I would be a better person and so is YW. But of course, HS's and my wish is to be able to fulfill ven MM's wish. May Buddha and Bodhisattvas aid us in fulfilling that. :)
I am glad that YW and I had a good heart-to-heart talk with her on the night before she left though we only ended our chat around 12 midnight. She gave us a short analysis of our characteristics too. This would help us in changing ourselves for the better. Of course, the more important thing is, she has pointed the way, we must walk the path ourselves. Ven MM is like guanyin, compassionate and wise. She is so caring, I would miss her a lot. I know that, cos' I have started to miss her presence.
Hopefully, she would return soon. And when she returns, I would be a better person and so is YW. But of course, HS's and my wish is to be able to fulfill ven MM's wish. May Buddha and Bodhisattvas aid us in fulfilling that. :)
2007年12月6日星期四
Who do you live for?
This morning, after cleaning up the hall, I met Ven. MM. Once again, we drew the "Fo Guang Fa Yu". Ven MM is a good interpreter of the "Fo Guang Fa Yu". I asked a new question today. Normally I only have one question in mind but got different varieties of answers which are quite similar. Today, my mind is occupied by another matter. She interpreted the lot and told me the poem is asking me not to think too much of the matter. Emm, probably like what i always said "天下本无事，庸人自扰之”. Now it applies to me.
Ven MM asked me a question "Who do you live for?" I pondered and said "I don't know" for I dun think I am right to say I live for myself nor for sentient beings. Seems like she can read my thoughts. So she explained to me if I were to say I live for sentient beings, I have not let go my self-ego. If I were to say for myself, that is certainly a high ego.
I am thankful to all these "masters" I have met. Esp, Ven MM, Ven MJ, TS, HS and YW. They are really the bodhisattrvas in my path, correcting my mistakes and making me a better person. Time to get back to work! Chao!
Ven MM asked me a question "Who do you live for?" I pondered and said "I don't know" for I dun think I am right to say I live for myself nor for sentient beings. Seems like she can read my thoughts. So she explained to me if I were to say I live for sentient beings, I have not let go my self-ego. If I were to say for myself, that is certainly a high ego.
I am thankful to all these "masters" I have met. Esp, Ven MM, Ven MJ, TS, HS and YW. They are really the bodhisattrvas in my path, correcting my mistakes and making me a better person. Time to get back to work! Chao!
2007年12月3日星期一
No lessons - Blurred
sigh. went to lessons this morning. then there was no lesson. HS, ven MJ and I were all waiting in the room in vain. But the time was well spent. We had a heart to heart talk with ven MJ and wrote some articles for her. I think she is really capable and caring. She has demonstrated the Bodhisattva's actions. Hopefully one day I will be like her. More to learn, more to let go, more to forget... ...
The afternoon lesson was canceled too. :( Luckily, HS and I have submitted our $$$ form and done some logistics work. Ven MD said something during the class that strikes my thoughts. I have to ponder deep and practise the walk.
We have decided to go to the NanHua University for the conference in weeks to come. Sigh.... gotta spend more $$$ to travel and food but I think it would be a good experience for us. I was not able to decide but HS has put my name down. So, I will just go and see what i can learn from this conference.
So much on the boring day. Time to get back to my work. Many essays to complete before the term ends. To be a good Bodhisattva's partner, I have to constantly remind HS and YW on the work outstanding and get back to the work without losing focus.
The afternoon lesson was canceled too. :( Luckily, HS and I have submitted our $$$ form and done some logistics work. Ven MD said something during the class that strikes my thoughts. I have to ponder deep and practise the walk.
We have decided to go to the NanHua University for the conference in weeks to come. Sigh.... gotta spend more $$$ to travel and food but I think it would be a good experience for us. I was not able to decide but HS has put my name down. So, I will just go and see what i can learn from this conference.
So much on the boring day. Time to get back to my work. Many essays to complete before the term ends. To be a good Bodhisattva's partner, I have to constantly remind HS and YW on the work outstanding and get back to the work without losing focus.
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