Morning 2008

Today, is not really a good day to start 2008. I didn't sleep well last night. Was forced to wake up at 5 a.m. Unable to sleep again. Forced by the inner force. I was not able to breath smoothly since 1.15 a.m. yesterday. My chest pain is back. This time, it seems to worsen. But managable.

I didn't do a good "morning call" this morning as well. My "sha ban" didnt go smoothly as expected, esp the 2nd time. Ven RY didn't give me much comment. Probably I will go and kneel later when I am much better.

My eyes kept tearing non-stop since last midnight. I guess they were tired. HS asked me why I kept crying non-stop. Who wants to be a crybaby if I can make it stop? This shows that the body is not really mine for it can't even fulfil such a small request.

My another finding today is that I am very much attached to the promises people made or I made. I will try to fulfil my side. But sometimes, mind fickled. A lot of excuses will be out to stop you or defer you in doing things. That's what I have done for my promises in last year. No wonder others won't keep theirs and give excuses to me. It is vis versa.

So tired of this sick body. But like what Master said "with little illness, it will aid in the cultivation". Hopefully the leg pain will go away as well. Wanting to see doc today, but well, too cold.